Do you ever say, “Once I get or do [this thing], then I’ll take a break,” or something like that?

This is a common theme for me. I had a long list of deadlines for last week, and I saw that I was putting off taking a break until they were done.

When I made it through the list, the realization hit me that I was done. I took a few deep breaths, then I looked for the next thing to do.

Then I stopped myself. I noticed my accomplishments. I remembered my delayed break.

I took a few more deep breaths.

I said, “Now take that break you said you were delaying until you got it all done.” (Like a stern yet loving mother may say.)

And I did.

I relaxed, I read, I wrote, and I spent time sitting quietly. I enjoyed the break and reveled in my accomplishments. I laughed at how quickly they all got done, especially considering my frenzied moments earlier in the week.

I’ve committed to LISTEN and to ALLOW this year. I’m not embodying these words all the time, but on days like this one, I am one step closer. And that’s what matters.
 

This is the third of three posts where I share a method for deciding what to do and not to do when your to-do list is too long.

I saved the best for last. This is my personal favorite!

Trust Your Body

This method is perfect for anyone who wants to feel good when getting through to-do tasks. Every time I teach a client this method, they are pleased when they put it to use in their life. Try it for yourself!

1. Establish your baseline. Give yourself a few minutes to complete this step--it’s absolutely necessary and totally worth the time.

a. Sit comfortably and relax your body. Close your eyes. Pull up the worst memory you have from your life. Imagine you are in that moment--experience it as if you are there.

b. Feel the sensations in your body as you experience that memory. Describe them with words. It could be that your chest feels tight, your stomach is in a knot, and your throat feels closed up. Be as detailed as possible.

c. Give this overall feeling a name and give it a number, on a scale from -10 (as awful as you can image feeling) to +10 (the best you can imagine feeling).

d. Repeat steps a, b, and c using the best memory you have from your life. Imagine it, feel the sensations, describe the sensations with words, give it a name and give it a number from -10 to +10.

e. Now you have your body compass scale from the negative range through the positive range.

2. Rank your to-do list. For every item on your to-do list, rank it using your body compass scale. Imagine yourself doing the task, and feel the sensations in your body. Record the number associated with the task, somewhere from -10 to +10. Listen to what your body is saying, not what your mind thinks the number should be.

3. Do what feels best. Begin working on the task that received the highest rating on your scale. I recommend not doing anything that feels like a negative number--unless you want to feel awful.

4. Play with it. Play around with this idea for a week or two and notice what happens. For me, when I use this method to work through my list, I always feel good, and I seem to accomplish more than when I listen to what my mind wants me to do. Test it out and see what you find to be true for you.

When you feel like there is not enough time in the day, focus on what feels good to you. Your body, your emotions, and your family will thank you!

This is the second of three posts where I share a method for deciding what to do and not to do when your to-do list is too long.

Do What’s Easiest

This method is great when you feel like you’re “not getting anything done” and want to get some momentum going.

1. Consider time. Mark each item with the time necessary to complete it (or your best estimate).

2. Consider effort. Mark each item with Easy, Medium, or Difficult, according to the effort required to accomplish it.

3. Line ‘em up. Number your list from 1 to N, with 1 being the shortest and easiest task and N being the longest and most difficult item.

4. Get to work. Start with number one and move down the list.

When you feel like there is not enough time in the day and you aren’t getting anywhere, focus on the tasks that will give you a sense of completion and forward momentum. Sometimes we need a little kick-start like this to help us more on to more challenging tasks.

If you’re like a lot of people I know, you’ve got a to-do list that’s a mile long, your day is jam-packed, and you’ve got a million people needing something from you.

Whew! That’s exhausting to type!

This is the first of three posts where I share a method for deciding what to do and not to do when your task list is too long.
 

Quick ‘n Dirty Post-it Prioritization Method

This is a great way to quickly arrange your to-do list.

This method is excellent for people who are visual. It’s also helpful when you feel like everything and everyone is important, and it paralyzes you from getting anything done.

1. Categorize. List your major life categories, put them on post-its, and stick them in order on a door or blank wall space.

2. Itemize. Write your to-do items on post-its and then group them accordingly.

3. First-pass prioritization. Now, your to-do list is roughly in priority order. If something doesn’t sit right with you, rearrange it.

4. Refine. Figure out how much time you have to get your to-do items done, then cut the list off where you will run out of time.

When you feel like there is not enough time in the day, focus on your own priorities and do what matters most to you. Know that you’re making progress the best you can!

Is your life too complicated? Check your reality against Monday’s quiz.

Are you ready to take things down a notch? Try these seven tips.

1. Say “no” to one thing every day.

2. Leave work at work.

3. Ask for help--don’t do it all yourself.

4. A few times every day, take a moment to take a few deep breaths.

5. Make time to go to bed early.

6. When you cook, make extra. Leftovers are a quick and easy meal for tomorrow.

7. Throw away, recycle, or donate the things you don’t need. Clutter in the house creates clutter in the mind.

Every day, pick one or more of these tips to uncomplicate your life. Slowly and surely, things will simplify.

What other suggestions do you have for uncomplicating life?

It seems like everyone is far too busy. Too many things going on, places to be, details to remember, things to do. Are you wondering if this is all “normal,” or if things are too complicated? Check your reality against this list.

Answer True or False to the following statements.

1. I don’t sleep at least seven hours every night.

2. I can’t remember the last time I took at least seven hours just for myself, for fun.

3. My calendar is double or triple-booked at least once every seven days.

4. There are items on my to-do list that have been there for at least seven weeks, and I am showing no signs of making progress on them.

5. The last seven days were such a blur that I can’t remember what I did or who I saw.

6. My list of reasons “I don’t have time to exercise because...” is more than seven excuses long.

7. I can’t imagine sitting quietly and doing nothing for seven minutes .

If you answered True to more than one of the previous statements, your life may be too complicated.

How are you holding up?

Are you ready to take things down a notch? Stay tuned for seven ways to uncomplicate your life in Thursday’s post.

How complicated is your life?

Does a dirty kitchen drive you crazy?

One of my childhood chores was doing the dishes after dinner. I became rather efficient at the task. When I grew up and had my own home, I wanted the kitchen spotless after dinner. My husband didn’t have the same clean kitchen policy in his bachelor pad, so if I wanted a tidy kitchen, it was my job to do it.

Some days, if the kitchen wasn’t clean, I got a little crazy. The trouble was, cleaning it could make me crazy, too.

Not too long ago, I finally smartened up.

Who cared about the clean kitchen? Only me.

Did Paul? Not really.

Did my neighbors, who can see the dishes stack up through the window? Likely not.

Did my mom? No. Even if I fabricated a story that she did care, she can’t even see them. She’s 3000 miles away and only knows that my kitchen is occasionally messy because I posted it here for the the world to see.

Why did I like the kitchen clean? It was one less thing to make me crazy, because so much in my life was making me crazy.

Interesting. I really pondered that. A kitchen can make me crazy. From an outsider, objective view, that’s a little crazy.

While I can pretty much control how clean my kitchen is, the process of controlling that trivial thing made me crazy. Like I said, there was little room to feel good.

This is when I realized it was time to lighten up. (If my sister’s reading this, she’s probably laughing hysterically at this point.)

I thought a clean kitchen made my house more relaxing. Although maybe it did, keeping that kitchen clean was far from relaxing. Was a spic-n-span kitchen necessary for me to function in life? Certainly not. In fact, it was limiting my functionality because of all the mental space I was taking up just by thinking about it.

Once I sorted out that I didn’t need my kitchen to be perfectly clean all of the time, I began to pride myself on the ability to occasionally let dishes pile up for a few days... and not go crazy in the mean time.

What can you let go of just a little, for the sake of your sanity?

How do you feel on Mondays? Does your day begin with dread, overwhelm and heaviness? Or does your Monday start with excitement, enthusiasm and eagerness?

I will not deny that some people face tough work environments, challenging coworkers, and frustrating projects. You could likely find a roomful of people to commiserate with you about any difficult work situation. Does commiseration make you feel any better? In my experience, commiseration made work feel worse.

When you focus on the challenging and frustrating aspects of your day, you will likely encounter more of the same. Can you recall a day when things grew worse and worse as the hours went by? The more we focus on what we don’t want, the more of it we get.

Start your Monday with an attitude adjustment. Here’s how to do it.

1. Identify the feeling that comes up on Monday. [Maybe you feel dread.]

2. Ask yourself, “What story am I telling myself as to why I feel this way on Mondays?” [The story could be that you dread another long week of working without recognition for your effort.]

3. Determine how you would rather feel about work. [Excitement is a possibility, but if you’re starting from a feeling of dread, it could be easier to seek a feeling of indifference.]

4. Ask yourself, “What new story could I tell myself about Mondays that would make me feel the way I would rather feel?” This requires a little brainstorming. Write down some new stories and try them out. Here are some examples.

* Even though my boss doesn’t show it, I know she appreciates my hard work.
* I have the ability to make my day better if I want to.
* There is only so much time in the day, and I will get done what I can and then I will take care of myself and leave at 5:00.
* Even though this isn’t my dream job, it’s a great stepping stone to what I really want to do.

I often facilitate client attitude adjustments for tough work situations during coaching sessions. I estimate that ninety percent of my clients show up wanting an attitude adjustment about work at some point while we work together. As a coach, I love helping clients adjust their attitude; it makes their work life better, and their friends and family take notice, too!

After one attitude adjustment, a client said to me, “Wow! Imagine if I showed up with this attitude every morning!” She saw the power that she had to change her attitude and shift her entire day by telling a new story on her way to work.

Your attitude determines how you experience the world.
-- Sanaya Roman

Adopt a new mindset, even if you do it for a few minutes during your commute on Monday. Start your work week on a positive note. The rest of the week will thank you for it.

What are your “new stories” to adjust your attitude on Mondays?

I am working on my first downloadable coaching product, and I’m learning so many great lessons along the way. Last week I learned that it’s better for everyone when I put my well-being ahead of everything else. Maybe you think this sounds selfish, but I learned that everyone benefits when we take care of ourselves first.

The product I’m working on is a collaborative project with my coaching friend Alison Horner. We’re creating a companion guide to Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live. It’s an audio and workbook set which covers each chapter in the book. Ali and I have been putting a good effort into it and having fun along the way. We both found this book useful for setting our lives on our “right” path and are excited to share it with our clients.

We were making audio recordings one morning recently, and after forty-five minutes, I was toast. I felt flustered and was ready to take a break. We had planned to work for another hour that day, but I didn’t have it in me. I was honest with Ali and said that I needed a break. I knew that we scheduled more time to work that day, but I feared that the quality would suffer if I kept at it. So we quit, and I worked on easier tasks that afternoon.

The next week, after Ali and I put more time into a recording, she said she needed a break. So we quit, and we both worked on other things for the rest of the day. No hard feelings either time.

By being honest about how we were feeling, we honored ourselves, each other, and our product. If we had pushed through despite our feelings, we would have felt drained and the quality of our product would have suffered. No one would have benefited from this.

Often I find it easy to just push through one more thing, ignoring how I feel and focusing on achieving a sense of completion. In the end, everyone suffers with that method. I suffer for pushing myself hard, and others suffer by dealing with an outcome that is less than perfect and was created with some negative energy.

Do you have a tendency to push yourself too hard? Can you call it quits a little sooner, and put yourself first?

Sometimes “what would make me happy right now” is one of the hardest questions for me to answer.

I was having a bit of an “off" day not too long ago, and when I was done working for the day, I wanted to do something to correct my unease. Paul was gone for the night and I had not made any plans.

I wandered around the house just waiting for some inspiration. I’m not sure how I thought that would help, but it’s a habit I started in childhood--roam around (mope, maybe?) until something strikes me.

Then, it was as if I said to myself, “Enough is enough. We’re going for a walk.” We meaning me.

I pulled on my shoes and went outside.

When I set out on my walk, I assessed my uneasiness. I felt uninspired about several things I had on my plate. I set an intention for my walk: to release the uneasiness.

Within ten minutes of walking, the inspiration started flowing. I hadn't even been looking for inspiration. I just wanted to release the uneasiness. I had several writing ideas, a plan for the next step on a project, and a feeling of freedom about my wide-open weekend.

My original plan was to walk for a half-hour, but when I reached the point where I would turn to come home, I wanted to keep going. The inspiration was flowing, and the walk was apparently exactly what I needed.

The cool breeze that comes through my area in the summer was strong this night. It felt cleansing, like it was blowing off the uneasiness of my day and making room for the ideas to flow.

As I continued walking, ideas continued to come without much effort. After about 45 minutes, I wanted to slow down my brain. The ideas flowed nicely, and I know that if I over-think them, they lose their juice. The final mile of my walk was more meditative and relaxing. I felt much better.

I came home having shed my uneasiness and having found some inspiration. I learned my lesson:

Ask the question, “What would make me happy right now?” Then do it.

The key here is to seek something that will truly make you happy. Alcohol and chocolate don’t count. They may make it easier for you to pretend that you’re happy or they may numb the pain, but they will not truly make you happy. When I say happy, I mean genuinely happy. Or just shoot for content, if you’re having a really bad day and happy feels like a stretch.

Consider these ideas:
- go for a walk
- take a bath
- relax in a hammock
- curl up in a comfortable chair and read a book
- paint, draw, or express yourself creatively
- play some music
- turn up your favorite song and dance
- play with your pet or with your children

What was amazing about focusing on being happy was that the problems that were making me feel off were solved with little effort. I found more solutions on that one-hour walk than I would have sitting in front of my computer all day.

The key is to play, walk, or be creative without trying to solve your problems.

I walked to clear my head and my heart and the by-product was inspiration. This also happens when I take a bath. When I take a bath to relax, and the ideas come to me like a flood. It’s because I’m focusing on relaxing, or playing, or creating; I’m not focusing on fixing. If I take a bath to think through a problem, I only feel more frustrated.

Do you have a problem you're trying to solve that you can let rest while you have some fun instead?