Monday I wrote about playing bigger. Today I’m sharing my thoughts about facing your fears around playing bigger.

Think about where you are today. Think about where you want to go--if you could be successful no matter what. Imagine heading in that direction. How do you feel?

It’s okay to be scared.

Fear can actually tell you that you’re right on track. Check in. Does the fear feel like jumping into a clear pool of water off a high dive, or does it feel like a high dive into sludge?

Clean pain (clear pool of water) says move forward. Dirty pain (sludge) says clean up your thinking, then reevaluate.

Use The Work to clean up your dirty pain, the thoughts that say, “I’m not good enough to do that.”

If you hear, “Who am I to do this?” answer your own question. Who are you? You’re a strong, beautiful, smart healer or teacher who is here to change the world.

Take small steps.

Just because your five-year vision is clear doesn’t mean you will reach that goal immediately. What can you do today to move toward that vision? Take baby steps.

Start with the easiest things first.

It can be energizing to get moving toward your vision. If fear is holding you back, start with something easy. It might get you excited to keep going. If nothing else, you’re a few steps closer to your goal.

Celebrate your successes.

Every little step you take is worth celebrating. Give yourself a gold star. Call a friend. Do a little dance.

Face you fears and move forward. The world is waiting for you.
 

A wise coach once told me that our thought patterns are like a china plate. It’s difficult to break our core issues, the center of the plate, but if we chip around the edges at the little nagging stuff of every day life, the plate will eventually fall apart.

I work with very wise individuals. They know that their fear originates from a few particular events from their childhood. They know that their low self-confidence comes from being incessantly teased in 6th grade. (Oh, that’s me.) They know that their hesitance to trust their intuition comes from one decision they made a few years ago. So when something big comes up, these clients dive in and want to tackle that one big thing.

It’s difficult to break a plate in the center. It’s easier to chip the edges.

So we look at the fear they face today about a workshop they plan to attend. We look at trusting one small hunch they have. We work the day-to-day stuff.

Then we circle back to the big stuff, because it’s all connected.

Chipping the edges of the plate is easier, and it gets you to the same place in the end. Why not go with easy?
 

There is a fine line between persistence and refusing to accept reality. --Tim Leatherman, founder of Leatherman Tools, in reference to his 8 year endeavor to sell his first tool

When I heard Tim Leatherman say these worlds last week to a room full of engineering professionals and students, I grabbed my pen and paper. I don’t think that statement was calculated or prepared; it just flew from his lips when asked a question about frustration and wanting to give up when he hadn’t sold a tool after many years of trying.

I thought about my life. Would I keep working on the same thing for 8 years without a single “bite?” Do I have enough passion and drive and belief in what I do to keep at it that long?

Sometimes we give up because the road to where we’re going gets rough. Other times, we refuse to accept reality even when conditions look bleak.

How do we know if it’s time to quit?

I can’t say I have a clear answer, but one thought comes to mind: if deep in your heart you hear a YES, keep going. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says, if it feels right to you deep down, it’s right.

What do you think?

Photo courtesy of Rebecca via Flickr
 

Happy 2010 Everyone! Hope you had an enjoyable holiday season.

Do you have a resolution for 2010? How’s it going?

If you received my January 1st newsletter, you learned that my new year’s resolution is to LISTEN. (You can check out a repost of that article on Examiner.com.) While I was contemplating my first blog post of the year, I realized I had already slipped up on my resolution! Alas, all is well.

For me, resolutions are not about a hard, fast, painful commitment to change. Rather, they are like a light that shines on my life to help me find a new way.

It was when I was taking a pre-dinner soak in our hot tub that I realized that I blew my resolution. At the same time, I also realized that it was okay.

Here’s how I lost my way.
I had some inspiration about my coaching business, and I worked up a little frenzy in my office for a good part of the day. The entire time I heard my body talking. It said, “Go exercise!” (I like to exercise--it makes me feel good.) My knee was fussy for some reason I don’t yet understand. My shoulder wanted a break from the computer. I was getting all sorts of loud messages, yet I kept working. So much for LISTENing!

Messing up is perfect.
And even though I didn’t listen, it’s absolutely perfect. Since I have this resolution, I noticed how I was not living the way I want to. Without the resolution, it would have been another day spent working up a storm, minus the awareness. On day three into the new year, I am more aware than before on how LISTEN more in my life.

Slip-ups are okay.
If you have a resolution or a commitment for 2010, stick with it, even if you slip-up. If you plan to lose weight and notice you gain a pound, don’t sweat it! If you set the intention to work less and play more, yet spend a Saturday at the office, no big deal! Slipping up may happen, but it’s no big deal. Notice when you do and why.

Learn from the slip-ups.
When you do slip-up, learn from it and course correct.

For me, two things happened. First, I was excited about my idea, and I can get one-track-minded when that happens. Second, I was coming from a place of “there’s only so much time,” a theme that is common in my life.

What will I do differently next time? I’m not sure, so I will spend some time journaling to figure it out. (This is an old pattern, so a new way is going to take some mental digging!)

Stay with your intention.
Setting an intention to make a change does not mean change will be easy (though sometimes it can be). Give yourself credit for setting a goal, watching yourself along the way, and course correcting when you find yourself off track.

Did you set a resolution for 2010? How’s it going? Share it with us!

p.s. Come back Thursday to hear about my other resolution: ALLOW. And also learn what’s up with my one-word resolutions.
 

Life offers few guarantees.

Some days I wish I had a sure-fire plan to make my life turn out exactly as I want. I bet you have those days, too. Wouldn’t a guarantee on everything be great?

Perfect boss. Dream house. Well-behaved children. Steady income. Luxurious vacations. It would be so easy if they were just guaranteed, wouldn’t it?

Think about it for a moment. If you were six years old and learning addition and you were guaranteed a perfect score on your test, would you keep studying? Some of you may, but not everyone would. If you had a guarantee and stopped studying, you wouldn’t actually learn addition.

If you could be guaranteed that you would study just the perfect thing in college to ensure future success, would you critically evaluate your options? Would you assess your choice along the way to your cap and gown? Once out in the world, would you continue to check your career progress against your true desires?

If you were guaranteed that your business would succeed if you did A and B and C, how would you learn that G is a more enjoyable way to grow your business? And that P was a great thing to do for personal growth, as well as for business profit?

Whenever we take something for granted or consider it to be guaranteed, we turn off our brain. We stop learning, experimenting, questioning, and evaluating. We stop growing.

If someone gave me a simple formula for success, I would likely follow the formula like a robot, doing just what they said. I would blindly move in the direction of their guarantee, because it would be easier than figuring it out on my own.

Part of me would love a success formula that would guarantee my future success as a coach. It would alleviate the pressure, stress, and anxiety that stepping out on my own has brought to the surface. I could relax and just do what I love: coach and write. I could avoid all of the uncomfortable parts, like marketing and selling. I would also miss out on a heck of a lot of personal growth that those things are currently bringing to me.

If I had to guess, the best success formula anyone could give me would look like this:

experimentation + persistence = a good chance of getting what I want

That’s what life’s about. Taking chances, experimenting, persisting. There is no magic formula for success. There are no guarantees. There’s hard work, trying new things, failing, and trying again.

So what are the two steps to guaranteed success? Try and try again.

I can’t tell you exactly what to do to achieve your goals. I can guide you, offer ideas, help you find your own answers, find where you’re holding yourself back, support you through trial and error, and celebrate your successes. I can tell you that you can eventually get what you want when you keep at it.

What goal are you wanting to reach with a guarantee? Are you ready to experiment and persist?

Keep at it. You’ll get there.