A job you’re “good at” does not equate to a job you love.

If I followed all of the tests and assessments of my personality and my skill set, I’d still be sitting in a fabric-covered cubicle doing things I don’t enjoy, talking with people (I do enjoy) about things I don’t give a rat’s ass about.

A job you love is not about what you’re good at. Yes, you’ll likely be good at a job you love, but don’t start your search there.

Start by checking in with your heart. What does it long to do?

Check in with your gut. What lights you on fire?

Ask the child you used to be. What did you want to be before anyone told you it wasn’t possible or that being an engineer was a practical career choice?

Start asking these questions in the quiet, soft places of your heart. You don’t have to share the answers with anyone. But if you don’t ask them, you’ll never know the answers. And that would be a very, very sad thing.
 

Last week I was at the Martha Beck Inc. Coaches Summit, a gathering of 140 amazing individuals who are on a mission to heal the world. At the Summit, there were group gatherings, activities, and breakout sessions to help each one of us further our healing in the world. Every single person is passionate about his or her mission for this lifetime.

For me, the summit confirmed some ideas that I’m here to help the healers and teachers get their work out to more people. I want to help them change the world.

At most events throughout the weekend, I saw how the leader or presenter could take steps to show up bigger and impact more people. I would tell a friend about these ideas, then I would stuff them back inside and keep my mouth shut.

I, too, was playing small.

So I faced my fears about showing up bigger and I shared several ideas with the various presenters. I shared from my heart without judgment. Some heard me and saw how they could step up. Others didn’t. It was okay either way. That’s their journey. Sharing with them is mine.

It’s easy to play small, to play it safe. But you’re here for a reason, so step into the shoes you are meant to fill. 
 

Dreams were not something I planned to mention in my blog. It just came up, so I went with it. Today I will share my dream history.

The first dream I remember having is a Tom and Jerry dream. I'm sure you remember that cartoon. I loved it when I was young. In the dream I was Jerry, and I was being chased into the hole in the baseboard by Tom. I was scared. That’s all I remember.

Fast forward about twenty-some years to September 11th. Vivid images on the television, in the newspapers, all over the internet. Stories about the invasion of Afghanistan. Then Iraq. Bombs. Death. Fighting.

Shortly after our country was in full-blown war in the Middle East, my dreams became a dangerous place for me to be. I was in the middle of war zones, I was being attacked, I was having to fight back. I do not believe I was ever killed, but man, I was scared.

Night after night, endless nocturnal terror. When I would awake, I would be mentally exhausted. I stopped watching, listening to, or reading any news.

My violent dreams continued. Three or four years later, someone suggested to me that violent dreams can mean that part of the dreamer is dying, metaphorically speaking. The killing in the dream was representing the death of a part of myself.

Despite this information, the violence did not stop. It took another four years for my violent dreams to shift. Two things made it happen.

1. I learned how to interpret them.
2. I listened to their messages and started making changes in my life.

The suggestion was correct that the violence in my dreams indicated that a part of me dying. The true me, the person I am deep down inside, was dying. The true me was getting lost while I was trying to please others. She was dying because I was giving myself to a job and a company that did not serve my highest interests. She had no sense of who she was because I learned to conform to a mold of social and societal pressures. Now that I think about it, those things could kill anyone.

As I took the time to interpret my dreams, the violence in the night began to lessen. Some nights were still terrifying, but not every night. I was listening to and understanding their messages.

Fast forward to the spring of 2009. Within my final weeks at the office, the violence disappeared completely from my dreams. I heard the message that was being shouted at me for eight years. I left my job. I stopped killing my soul.

Now my dreams have taken a new turn. My mind is busy every night, creating new adventures rich with meaning. I take the time to learn their lessons.

Are you ready to find the wisdom in your dreams?

We can all remember a memorable dream or two in our lives. Do you have recurring dreams, do you take a new adventure every night, or do you rarely remember what happened during your sleeping hours?

I dream a lot. Many dreams every night. Vivid, rich, and potent.

Did you know that dreams can offer fresh insight about our inner world and what next steps to take on our journey? To unearth those insights, I use a dream interpretation process originally defined by Carl Jung and later modified by Martha Beck.

When I quit my job four months ago, my dream time became hyperactive, as it usually does for me during times of change. I hadn’t been taking the time to interpret them regularly. Since they weren’t stopping, I knew I needed to listen to what they were trying to tell me. This past Saturday I finally dove into the depths of my dreams to uncover their messages. I had been reluctant because the process is time-consuming and occasionally challenging, especially because I have so many detailed dreams each night.

When I awoke on Saturday, I lay very still in bed, pulling the dream memories from my slumbering mind into my conscious mind. I pictured all of the scenes and heard all of the conversations from the night. Once I gathered as much as I could remember, I rolled toward my notebook on the bedside table and started writing. My dreams were captured and ready to be tamed.

I got out of bed, shuffled to the kitchen, brewed a fresh cup of coffee, grabbed my notebook and pen, and settled in my favorite chair.

Slowly and methodically, I deciphered the meaning of the green car, the yoga pose, the baby boy who ate beans and rice, the huge shower stall, Paul’s swim trunks, and many other symbols that appeared during my midnight adventures. I uncovered some relevant messages from my sleeping self:
- Stable and balanced energy is what will grow my business.
- I am supported.
- Working too hard will hinder my progress.

To you, those may sound like nonsense. To me, they are clear messages from my wise inner self who knows exactly what I need to do.

Where clear messages failed to come through, I was left with questions to ponder:
- Where in my life am I being shy and hidden, afraid to be exposed?
- Where am I not accepting what is given to me, exactly what I need, for fear of being embarrassed?

I will take those questions to my journal when the time feels right, and I will allow free writing to guide me to the answers.

I find dream interpretation rich and rewarding. It provides me with wisdom from my nocturnal chaos.

I use dream interpretation with clients, when they are interested and willing. They, too, if their minds are open to it, find the process rewarding and exciting. We have so much inner wisdom available to us if we take the time to listen.

Are you ready to find the wisdom in your dreams?

P.S. Only you can interpret your dreams. To me, a snake could represent my neighbor, but to you, a snake could mean ... well, something a little more Freudian.

Here is a great idea that was passed along to me by my friend Ellen Hartson. I joined the ranks of thousands who decided to give 29 gifts in 29 days. Join us at www.29gifts.org!

I am working on my first downloadable coaching product, and I’m learning so many great lessons along the way. Last week I learned that it’s better for everyone when I put my well-being ahead of everything else. Maybe you think this sounds selfish, but I learned that everyone benefits when we take care of ourselves first.

The product I’m working on is a collaborative project with my coaching friend Alison Horner. We’re creating a companion guide to Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live. It’s an audio and workbook set which covers each chapter in the book. Ali and I have been putting a good effort into it and having fun along the way. We both found this book useful for setting our lives on our “right” path and are excited to share it with our clients.

We were making audio recordings one morning recently, and after forty-five minutes, I was toast. I felt flustered and was ready to take a break. We had planned to work for another hour that day, but I didn’t have it in me. I was honest with Ali and said that I needed a break. I knew that we scheduled more time to work that day, but I feared that the quality would suffer if I kept at it. So we quit, and I worked on easier tasks that afternoon.

The next week, after Ali and I put more time into a recording, she said she needed a break. So we quit, and we both worked on other things for the rest of the day. No hard feelings either time.

By being honest about how we were feeling, we honored ourselves, each other, and our product. If we had pushed through despite our feelings, we would have felt drained and the quality of our product would have suffered. No one would have benefited from this.

Often I find it easy to just push through one more thing, ignoring how I feel and focusing on achieving a sense of completion. In the end, everyone suffers with that method. I suffer for pushing myself hard, and others suffer by dealing with an outcome that is less than perfect and was created with some negative energy.

Do you have a tendency to push yourself too hard? Can you call it quits a little sooner, and put yourself first?

Numbers often control my life. The other day I learned that occasionally ignoring them can lead to feeling happier.

I enjoy road cycling and mountain biking in the summer. My husband and I headed out for a ride recently, and I noticed that my cyclocomputer (the speedometer and odometer for the bike) was not working properly. I have a new one ready to be put on the bike, but it takes more time than I wanted to put into it at the moment. I took the broken cyclocomputer off my bike and set out with Paul to ride.

Usually when the two of us ride, he rides and front and I draft behind him. [If you’re not a cyclist, drafting is when one rides close to the person in front of them, so they experience reduced wind resistance, making it easier to ride.] For some reason, I set out on this ride in front of Paul this day.

Within the first mile, I must have looked down a half-dozen times to where the cyclocomputer display usually sits. My habit of looking at the display became quite evident when there was nothing to look at!

We had a route in mind when we set out, but the weather in the direction we were headed looked dark and rainy. We decided to play the ride by ear and make a decision about which direction to go at each intersection. We ended up following one of our usual routes, just in reverse.

After five miles, I felt rhythmic in my riding. I felt strong and confident, and I was having fun.

Paul shouted out encouragement at one point, not quite half way through our ride. “Doing great, babe!” I thought, “I am? Cool!” After all, his cyclocomputer was still working, so he knows how fast I’m going, and Paul likes to ride faster than I can usually go.

With his words fresh in my mind, I stopped worrying if I was going too slowly. I enjoyed the new view on our old route. It always amazes me that a riding route can look so new by just following it in the opposite direction. I saw the farms in a different light, as the sun was slowly setting over their fields. I saw the central Oregon Cascades as we headed east on a road where we usually ride west. It was gorgeous!

I continued to ride at a pace that made me feel strong and challenged. I felt comfortable and confident, which is not always the case when we’re out on a ride.

With just seven miles left, I started to feel my legs fatigue. I almost gave up my captain’s position to draft behind Paul, but decided to stick it out in front. I made it this far, why not keep it up?

As we cruised towards home, I felt strong, happy, and a little tired. I felt alive. I love when exercise does that!

We pulled up the driveway, and I dismounted my bike. I queried Paul for our average speed. He told me, and I was shocked. “That slow?!” For a moment I was disappointed, then I decided to let it go. Who cares? I pulled the whole way, and I had fun. I enjoyed the whole ride because I didn’t know what my speed was. If I had known my pace, I would have been beating myself up for going so slowly.

So this is what I learned:

When I look at the numbers, I judge, evaluate, criticize, and focus on how good or bad I’m doing.

When I have no numbers to watch, I enjoy the ride and feel strong and confident.

I have a feeling this idea can be applied in many areas across life.

Where could you stop checking the numbers and start having more fun?

I recently left my full-time corporate job to follow my heart and join the ranks of the self-employed, turning my coaching practice into a full-time venture. During my final weeks in the office, I remembered how important it is to truly connect with other people.

As word got around that I was leaving the company, many coworkers asked about my future plans. What was I going to do? Was I leaving town?

We discussed things like pursuing our dreams, being in jobs where we can make a difference in the world, families, and finding purpose and meaning in life.

As my final weeks went by, people came by my desk or stopped me in the hallway to tell me that they appreciated me, that they enjoyed working with me, and how I positively impacted them when we were working together. I’ve never been good at accepting compliments, but I decided it was time to learn to say “thank you” to their kind words. My coworkers taught me that I made a difference in their lives, and I wanted to acknowledge what they were saying.

On my final day, two people shared some memorable sentiments with me.

One man said, “I’ve always appreciated that when you walk by people in the hallway you smile and say ‘hello.’” I thought to myself, "Of course I try to smile and say hello. Doesn’t everyone?" I guess not.

The second person, someone with whom I worked closely nine years ago, said this: “You know what I’ve always liked about you, Jenny? You ask about things that matter. You would say to me, ‘How’s your family?’ You wanted to know about the important things.” The man who told me that is just about the nicest person I know on this planet. I do not know one person who has ever said a negative thing about him. He is a truly amazing individual. To hear those words from him was very meaningful to me.

The typical employee departure from this company has been marked with a mass email saying "good-bye" to everyone the employee knew during their tenure. For me, sending a mass email felt forced and inauthentic. I wanted to let people know that I valued working with them and that I enjoyed my time with them over the previous 10 years. I decided to hand-write personalized notes to the 60 people who most positively impacted me over my previous ten years. I told them how they affected me. Here are some of the things I told them:

“I appreciated your patience with me when I was new to my job.”

“You always have such a positive attitude, and you are so great to work with.”

“I am so grateful for all of the support you gave me when I first moved into management. It was as if you had endless time to listen to my woes and offer me advice.”

“I had fun working with you when that project was just starting. I learned so much from you.”

“I am glad that I got to know you over the last several months. Thank you for telling me about your family.” 

Why did I wait until I was leaving to thank these people for the great times we had working together? I could have done more of this over the past 10 years. I did not necessarily need to give them hand written notes every day, but kind words about why I was grateful to know them could have been shared more regularly.

We all have it in us to live a life where we connect to others. This is something that everyone can do with just a simple conversation about what is important to us in life.

Can you bring more meaningful and authentic connections with others into your everyday life?

Here are a few ideas on creating and enhancing connections. I thank my coworkers for teaching me this.

1. Smile. Over the years, many people have told me that I smile a lot. Honestly, I didn’t think I smiled much! Apparently I smile enough that it was noticed at work. Try it out some time, either at work or at the grocery store. Who cares if the person you’re smiling at doesn’t smile back?!

2. Tell others that you appreciate them and why. It felt great to have my coworkers say such wonderful things about how I affected them. I returned the sentiments. It was such a feel-good exchange that I plan to do it more!

3. Listen when others talk about what is important in their lives. I know I can be so quick to think about the next thing that I forget to stop and really listen to other people. When I pay attention and listen, I feel connected to the other person, and the connection feels authentic and meaningful.

4. Share with others what is important to you in your life. Talk about your family, your pets, your hobbies, and how you spent the weekend. I always feel most connected to people who tell me about their lives. Connecting with others is what makes life worthwhile, and it’s a two-way street. Share yourself with others--they want to know about you. Ask about them in return.

5. Repeat daily. If I had just smiled one day, or asked one person about their family, I bet I wouldn’t be writing this post. Something prompted me to do these things regularly, and by showing up at work interested in other people, my coworkers took notice.

My challenge is to now take my own advice into the rest of my life. I love to smile at people I know and ask them questions about what matters to them in their lives. Now that I no longer work in a building with 80 other people, it is time for me to start bringing my curiosity about other people with me into the rest of the world, such as the grocery store, the library, and the local coffee shop.

How can you create more meaningful and authentic connections with others in your life?