Your new identity has been revealed through the hole left from your old identity’s dissolution. You’ve followed the breadcrumbs and spotted your new destination.

You can clearly articulate who you are and what you are to do next.

How are you going to reach your goal?

Map out the steps--every single one. Fill in the blanks. When you’re not sure how to accomplish something or how to get from one step to another, ask for help. Learn new things. Interview experts.

When the picture is clear, it’s time for the real work. It’s time to roll up your sleeves and make things happen. (This is my favorite part!)

Take the first step. Then the next one. The steps can be small (actually, that’s recommended)--no need to leap or try to tackle everything at once.

Learn what you need to along the way.

Fumble and be willing to fail.

Go back and redraw the map where you got it wrong. No one says it will be or has to work perfectly on the first try.

Enjoy watching your dream unfold. You are making it happen.

Photo courtesy of Jasmic via Flickr

Do you ever say, “Once I get or do [this thing], then I’ll take a break,” or something like that?

This is a common theme for me. I had a long list of deadlines for last week, and I saw that I was putting off taking a break until they were done.

When I made it through the list, the realization hit me that I was done. I took a few deep breaths, then I looked for the next thing to do.

Then I stopped myself. I noticed my accomplishments. I remembered my delayed break.

I took a few more deep breaths.

I said, “Now take that break you said you were delaying until you got it all done.” (Like a stern yet loving mother may say.)

And I did.

I relaxed, I read, I wrote, and I spent time sitting quietly. I enjoyed the break and reveled in my accomplishments. I laughed at how quickly they all got done, especially considering my frenzied moments earlier in the week.

I’ve committed to LISTEN and to ALLOW this year. I’m not embodying these words all the time, but on days like this one, I am one step closer. And that’s what matters.
 

On Monday, I wrote about a slip-up on my resolution to LISTEN. Today, I’m writing about my second resolution: ALLOW.

One word resolutions.
Let me first detour to these one-word resolutions and where they came from. Maybe resolution isn’t the best word for it, but it feels right to me. Christine Kane, a singer, songwriter, and coach, suggests using a “Word of the Year” to guide the upcoming year. She asks her blog readers to share their experiences using a guiding word, and I finally caught on. In mid-December, LISTEN came to me. Shortly after that, I heard, ALLOW.

ALLOW.
I chose ALLOW for 2010 because it is a perfect complement to LISTEN. LISTEN is about me hearing the whispers of my wise, inner self and of my body. ALLOW is acceptance of reality, acceptance of what-is. Both of these words are physical and mental; though for me, the focus is actually more physical than mental.

I was left-brain trained (logical, mathematical, scientific, process-oriented), and I have lived my life “in my head,” so to speak. In the last year, I’ve learned to climb back into my body and learn that I can LISTEN to the physical feelings that are stored there. Behind the physical sensations are words. They say things like, “Slow down. There’s no need to rush.” Or, “Yes, do that. It will be fun!” Those are the voices I want to hear more clearly this year.

Allowing ALLOW.
ALLOW, for me, is two-thirds physical, one-third mental. Having lived “in my head” for so long, I almost forgot I had a body. (No, of course not literally, but it seems that way, now that I look back.) Every time I think a thought that doesn’t serve me, my body tenses up. Since I’ve spent my life pleasing others, I think a lot of things that don’t serve me... and my body tenses up a lot, too. ALLOW is helping me refocus on what-is in life, and letting it be.

I am tired of controlling, trying, forcing, and efforting. I want to take a break and just ALLOW.

A new way.
I have this thought, in the back of my mind, that if I can let go of trying so hard, more things will come to me. More fun, more business, more love, more whatever-is-good. ALLOW isn’t about making or desiring those things to come to me, but it is about permitting them to enter my world. Who knows if it will work. What I do know for sure is that I’m tired of trying and I’m tired of hurting and I’m ready for a new way. And that’s what ALLOW is all about for me. I look forward to learning what it has to teach me in 2010.

Do you have a word for 2010?

Happy 2010 Everyone! Hope you had an enjoyable holiday season.

Do you have a resolution for 2010? How’s it going?

If you received my January 1st newsletter, you learned that my new year’s resolution is to LISTEN. (You can check out a repost of that article on Examiner.com.) While I was contemplating my first blog post of the year, I realized I had already slipped up on my resolution! Alas, all is well.

For me, resolutions are not about a hard, fast, painful commitment to change. Rather, they are like a light that shines on my life to help me find a new way.

It was when I was taking a pre-dinner soak in our hot tub that I realized that I blew my resolution. At the same time, I also realized that it was okay.

Here’s how I lost my way.
I had some inspiration about my coaching business, and I worked up a little frenzy in my office for a good part of the day. The entire time I heard my body talking. It said, “Go exercise!” (I like to exercise--it makes me feel good.) My knee was fussy for some reason I don’t yet understand. My shoulder wanted a break from the computer. I was getting all sorts of loud messages, yet I kept working. So much for LISTENing!

Messing up is perfect.
And even though I didn’t listen, it’s absolutely perfect. Since I have this resolution, I noticed how I was not living the way I want to. Without the resolution, it would have been another day spent working up a storm, minus the awareness. On day three into the new year, I am more aware than before on how LISTEN more in my life.

Slip-ups are okay.
If you have a resolution or a commitment for 2010, stick with it, even if you slip-up. If you plan to lose weight and notice you gain a pound, don’t sweat it! If you set the intention to work less and play more, yet spend a Saturday at the office, no big deal! Slipping up may happen, but it’s no big deal. Notice when you do and why.

Learn from the slip-ups.
When you do slip-up, learn from it and course correct.

For me, two things happened. First, I was excited about my idea, and I can get one-track-minded when that happens. Second, I was coming from a place of “there’s only so much time,” a theme that is common in my life.

What will I do differently next time? I’m not sure, so I will spend some time journaling to figure it out. (This is an old pattern, so a new way is going to take some mental digging!)

Stay with your intention.
Setting an intention to make a change does not mean change will be easy (though sometimes it can be). Give yourself credit for setting a goal, watching yourself along the way, and course correcting when you find yourself off track.

Did you set a resolution for 2010? How’s it going? Share it with us!

p.s. Come back Thursday to hear about my other resolution: ALLOW. And also learn what’s up with my one-word resolutions.
 

What in your life isn’t exactly as you’d like it to be? Do you want to make a change but aren’t sure where to begin?

Whatever your challenge, the first step is to imagine the future you desire.

Pinpoint the problem.

- Your job is eating at your soul.
- You want to live a life that feels purposeful.
- Your email Inbox is overflowing and heart attack-inducing.
- You fumble through the paperwork for each new client.

Design your desired future.

Let your imagination run wild. If you could design the perfect outcome, what would it look like?

- You feel like you’re making a difference in the world.
- You’re helping inner city kids learn to read.
- You have a method for managing incoming emails and organizing them effectively.
- You have a simple process to manage each new client.

Spell out every last detail.

Turn imagination into reality.

What in your desired future could really happen? When I walk clients through this exercise, 95% of what they imagine can be executed in the real world.

Make your desired outcome tangible in the real world.

Take tiny steps to get there.

Now that you have your desired reality, define the small steps you need to take to get from here to there.

Move forward.

You’ll be living in the future before you know it!

It can be so easy to say we can’t do something because of an incident in our past. It’s a great excuse to blame history for our future doom.

I was watching Oprah last week, and she shared a story about a young man who attempted to rob a cash advance store. The young man did not end up robbing the store. The woman in the store, Angela, was calm, patient, and, although terrified, also loving. Oprah interviewed Angela and the robber for her show. Angela said these words to the young man:

“Don’t let the past stop you from being great in the future.” --Angela Montez

See the video for yourself. (You can hear her quote at 1:10 in the video.)

Wow. My world came to a halt when I heard those words. I believed her. He can get past this incident. He will likely go to prison. He will serve time for what he did. Then he will be released. He can then move on. He has a little girl at home who needs him.

I reflected on Angela’s words. If I believed that this man could create a better future for himself, why can it be so hard for each of us to believe that we can do that in our own lives?
 
Are you stuck thinking your past will define your future? Are you ready to move past it?

Try these steps to un-stick yourself and move forward.

1. Identify your “stuck” thinking.
It may sound something like this:
I can’t ______________ because _____________. OR
I’ll never ______________ because _____________.

2. Change your language to clarify this is a choice.
The reality is that your “can’t” and “never” is not true. Rewrite your statement.
I choose not to ______________ because I believe that _____________ is a problem.

3. Find evidence that your stuck thinking may not be true.
Maybe you know someone else who made it work or achieved that goal. Maybe you did something similar in the past. Find three pieces of evidence.

4. Ask yourself, “If I didn’t believe [my stuck thinking thought], what would be the first thing I would do?”
Find three steps you would take.

So now, what are you going to do?

Life offers few guarantees.

Some days I wish I had a sure-fire plan to make my life turn out exactly as I want. I bet you have those days, too. Wouldn’t a guarantee on everything be great?

Perfect boss. Dream house. Well-behaved children. Steady income. Luxurious vacations. It would be so easy if they were just guaranteed, wouldn’t it?

Think about it for a moment. If you were six years old and learning addition and you were guaranteed a perfect score on your test, would you keep studying? Some of you may, but not everyone would. If you had a guarantee and stopped studying, you wouldn’t actually learn addition.

If you could be guaranteed that you would study just the perfect thing in college to ensure future success, would you critically evaluate your options? Would you assess your choice along the way to your cap and gown? Once out in the world, would you continue to check your career progress against your true desires?

If you were guaranteed that your business would succeed if you did A and B and C, how would you learn that G is a more enjoyable way to grow your business? And that P was a great thing to do for personal growth, as well as for business profit?

Whenever we take something for granted or consider it to be guaranteed, we turn off our brain. We stop learning, experimenting, questioning, and evaluating. We stop growing.

If someone gave me a simple formula for success, I would likely follow the formula like a robot, doing just what they said. I would blindly move in the direction of their guarantee, because it would be easier than figuring it out on my own.

Part of me would love a success formula that would guarantee my future success as a coach. It would alleviate the pressure, stress, and anxiety that stepping out on my own has brought to the surface. I could relax and just do what I love: coach and write. I could avoid all of the uncomfortable parts, like marketing and selling. I would also miss out on a heck of a lot of personal growth that those things are currently bringing to me.

If I had to guess, the best success formula anyone could give me would look like this:

experimentation + persistence = a good chance of getting what I want

That’s what life’s about. Taking chances, experimenting, persisting. There is no magic formula for success. There are no guarantees. There’s hard work, trying new things, failing, and trying again.

So what are the two steps to guaranteed success? Try and try again.

I can’t tell you exactly what to do to achieve your goals. I can guide you, offer ideas, help you find your own answers, find where you’re holding yourself back, support you through trial and error, and celebrate your successes. I can tell you that you can eventually get what you want when you keep at it.

What goal are you wanting to reach with a guarantee? Are you ready to experiment and persist?

Keep at it. You’ll get there.