This is a follow-up post to a question from my post last week on my experience with the horses.

Here are two of the things I learned from working with the horses:
- Clear intention makes the “doing” part so much easier.
- As soon as we attach to an outcome, we make it more difficult to get what we want.

Blue Bicicletta posted this as a part of her reply:

Another point or perhaps question that comes up for me is the tug between having a clear intention of what you want to do (and how that makes things easier), but not being attached to a specific result. It is complicated to navigate this fine line---being open to where something takes you, but also having a clear enough idea to be able to efficiently apply your time.

The short answer is: It's all about feeling good in the moment. Set your sights on the outcome, imagine how it will feel, and do what feels best along the way. Enjoy whatever the outcome happens to be, and know it was good getting there.

Here's the longer answer.

Let's briefly discuss clarity of intention. Clarity of intention is knowing what you want and having a vision. There are two components to this: (1) knowing the desired outcome, as a tangible result, and (2) knowing the desire feeling state you will have when you reach this outcome. Likely, the feeling state would be something like happiness, peace, or excitement.

Next, let’s define attachment to outcomes. Attachment to an outcome has a graspy energy. Think about a stereotypical used car salesman. He wants to make the sale so badly that it sends you running from the parking lot. I don’t need to even go into a deeper description--you can already feel the negative energy from this imaginary guy.

Say you decide to shop with Lisa, a no-pressure saleswoman (I know her, if you need a used car and you live in Oregon). She lets you browse the lot on your own time, makes herself available to answer questions, and lets you know she is there to help you get what you want, without any pressure. You just might buy from her.

Since she’s not attached to making a sale (not graspy), she is focused on your needs, reading your body language, and sensing from you what you would like from the interaction. In the end, she may be more likely to get the sale because she had a relaxed and positive energy. She feels good now, which is also how she would feel if she made the sale. Imagine for a moment how it would feel to interact with her. Now imagine what it would feel like to be her, confident and attentive, looking out for you without grasping to make the sale.

Now, it’s quite possible that Lisa doesn’t make the sale with you. Every clear intention isn’t always met with its desired outcome. However, during the interaction, you and Lisa created a relationship. There was trust. You might buy from her again in the future, and you may refer a friend. Regardless, you had a good time shopping and she felt good, too.

It’s all about feeling good during the process of moving toward our desired outcome. Feel how we would feel if and when we got what we wanted. This way, we feel great both with and without the result. Non-attachment to the outcome could also open things up for something better than we even imagined.

I have room for improvement on this idea, for sure. It’s so easy for me to grow attached to an outcome... but can life really guarantee us much?

I have more examples and ideas for this topic, so post your thoughts and questions. I’d love to know what you’re thinking!

Last weekend I had the pleasure of learning to horse whisper with Master Coach and Horse Whisperer Koelle Simpson. Koelle led a workshop entitled Primal Leadership, and we learned that leadership is a lot like horse whispering. She and the horses taught us a lot about how we “show up” in the world, how we can focus our own energy, and how we can lead our own lives and lead others. I am still digesting the experience.

I wrote a laundry list of things I learned over those three days, and I’m trying to decide what, if anything, to write about the experience. Here are a few of the things I learned. If any of them interest you, please add a comment, and I will write a future post about that topic. I want to write what feels relevant or interesting to you.

It takes far less energy to accomplish something than we often realize.

Clear intention makes the “doing” part so much easier.

Trying doesn’t work very well, but playing does.

We don’t always need to know the “end game.” All we can do is move forward with what feels best now.

Start moving forward on something with as little energy as possible, and slowly ramp up if the situation seems to need more.

As soon as we attach to an outcome, we make it more difficult to get what we want.

What sounds relevant and interesting to you?