Here’s a quick cheer-you-up for a Thursday. Can’t help but smile with this cutie!


 

This month I’m amping it up on gratitude. When I crawl into bed at night, I write about the wonderful things that happen during the day, from the simple to the amazing. When I do this, my heart swells and I feel a rush of joy from all the wonder that the world has to offer.

You can’t fake gratitude. It’s either genuine or not. To be honest, some days, when I climb in to bed and pull out my gratitude journal, I don’t want to write. I don’t feel it. It’s as if I’d rather stay stuck in my misery than write my way to a better place.

When I do write, when I recall the sweetness of the spring air, the heart-felt connection with a client, the deliciousness of a homemade lunch, or the coziness of a hug from my husband, some of the pain from the day fades away. I am reminded of life’s beauty and of what really matters.

This morning I am grateful for my warm, comfortable bed, the smell of early morning air, and a hot cup of coffee. These things are real life. They are my life. I am grateful for how they delight my senses.

Please share. What are you grateful for?
 

I learned a great new trick a few weeks ago: If I want to relax, I just ask my body to do it for me.

Try this: Ask your breath to deepen for you. Don’t you do it--ask your breath to do it for you.

Stop reading for a minute and notice what happens.

Seriously, try it. Ask your breath to deepen for you.

What happens is almost magical, isn’t it?

I’m now starting to practice it on my tight muscles and with falling asleep, with some success. When I get into bed and feel situated, I ask my mind to turn off and my body to sleep. Most nights it works quickly.

If you encounter a stressful moment in your day, pause and ask your breath to deepen for you--you don’t have to do anything else. Your body is infinitely wise and knows exactly what to do. You and your mind are the only thing stopping it. Pause and let your breath deepen and your body relax.

Isn’t that fantastic?
 

Laughter provides a door to your soul so that you can forget your troubles, even for a moment; and you clear away negativity, confusion, and mind chatter. --Sonia Choquette (Trust Your Vibes)

The more stressful, dangerous, baffling, or unpleasant your situation, the more important it is to laugh at it. --Martha Beck (The Joy Diet)

Laugh at yourself and at life, and nothing can touch you. --Louise Hay (You Can Heal Your Life)

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. --E.E. Cummings

Seven days without laughter makes one weak. --Mort Walker

I’m not much of a cat person, but search “funny cat” on YouTube and you’ll find some funny results. Here’s one that got me laughing.

Have you seen this baby with the evil eye? I think he’s a hoot!

What do you find funny? Share it here. We can all use more laughs!

Do you have any unwanted patterns in your life? You know, those rituals, cycles, routines, and habits that you wish you could break?

Here’s one way to start making some changes.

Identify your unwanted pattern. Then ask yourself,

“What is my payoff for keeping this pattern going?”

By identifying your payoff, you can see what it is you’re avoiding.

For me, I can easily keep myself too busy. My payoff for staying too busy is that I don’t have to check in and see if I’m happy. I also don’t have to evaluate whether or not I’m doing what I really want to do. If I discovered that I’m not happy and I want to be doing something different, I may have to make a change. And that change might be hard. [Gulp. No wonder I keep myself busy!]

Here are two other examples as to how this may play out:

For people who overeat, one payoff is that they can stuff their emotions with food and avoid feeling their feelings.

For people who try to “fix” other people who are angry or upset, a payoff could be that they can avoid feeling the discomfort of seeing others unhappy.

Look at your pattern straight in the eyes.

As someone with a stay-busy tendency, I need to notice when I’m busy and stop to ask, “How do I feel right now? What do I really want to be doing?”

For an overeater: Notice when you are using food to avoid feeling an emotion, and ask “What am I really feeling?” Also consider what thoughts are causing those feelings.

For a “fixer”: Notice when you are trying to influence another’s emotions. Ask, “Why do I want to make them feel better?” Also notice your own thoughts and emotions.

Listen to the answers and act accordingly.

Once we see what we’re avoiding and ask the tough questions, we need to listen to the answers and act accordingly.

When I asked my two questions last week, I discovered that I was mentally drained, and I wanted to do nothing all weekend.

For an overeater: Maybe you notice that you are sad about something. Why are you sad? What can you change in your life to start to feel better?

For a “fixer”: Maybe you want to make another feel better because you feel guilty about their unhappiness. Why is it your job to make them happy? What can you do to take care of yourself instead?

Follow through.

I listened to the answers I found within and had an lazy weekend all to myself. The result: I am feeling a little more rested and rejuvenated for the week ahead.

Identifying the underlying reasons for our patterns helps us find the wisdom and compassion to take care of ourselves.

What patterns have you found in your life? What did you do to make a change?
 

It’s so easy to get caught up in daily life that we often go through it without thinking. I find this rather funny. So much of life can just run on auto-pilot. When our lives are running on auto-pilot, where’s our mind?

When I began to pay attention to what was going through my mind, I was fascinated... and a little freaked out. I noticed that when I felt anxious, I was thinking some terrible, nasty thoughts. I was thinking thoughts like, “they must think I’m crazy,” and “there’s no way I’m going to be able to do that.” I found it scary that I had been thinking these thoughts without even realizing it.

Although first encountering our thoughts can be scary, it’s a freeing practice. Once we know what we are actually thinking, we can do something about it.

Facing the truth about what is going on in your mind is an absolutely necessary step on the path to happiness.

If you are in the habit of watching your thoughts already, then I’m sure you know what the mind-watching experience is like. If you are new to thought-watching, let me suggest some tips to get started.

First, notice times when you feel anything less than happy and relaxed. Our natural state is happy and relaxed. If you feel anything less than that, it’s likely that there is a thought stopping you from feeling good.

Second, become a detective in your own mind. What thoughts are going through your mind when you’re not feeling good? See if you can find some things along these lines:

They must think I’m [something not positive].
What if they don’t like me?
I always screw up.
I can’t do that.
What if I get fired?
She’s never nice to me.

There are endless possibilities to what the thoughts are behind your feelings. Start seeing if you can find the thoughts.

Once you become aware of the thoughts in your head, you have the ability to choose whether or not to believe them. As I like to say, “they are just thoughts.” It is possible that the thoughts you are thinking, such as “I always screw up” just might not be true. Would you be willing to consider that possibility?

What have you found yourself thinking that might not be true?

... but it does.

I hear this from clients: “Grrr. I’m so mad at her. I can’t believe she did that! She does this all the time. Why do I let it get to me so much?!” Or something along those lines anyway.

Sound familiar?

I’m sure you can think of a time where (1) you were frustrated with someone about something and (2) you were also frustrated with yourself for being irritated in the first place. I know it happened to me a few times just last week!

Recall the last time you were irritated about being irritated. Could it have taken you longer to get over the situation than if you had been okay with your frustration? When we judge ourselves for our reactions, we often double the effort required to regain our balance.

Next time you find yourself mad for being mad, try these steps to get past it.

1. Acknowledge how you feel about the situation. [I’m mad at her for what she did, and I’m mad at myself for being mad about it.]

2. Allow yourself to feel how you feel. Safely and privately express your emotions. [If you’re angry, allow yourself to be angry. Get it out by writing it down, by yelling--some place where it’s safe and private--or by going for a walk or run.]

3. Ask yourself what story you are telling about why you shouldn’t be angry about what happened. [I shouldn’t be mad because she does this all of the time--I should expect it.]

4. Ask yourself what story you are telling about why you feel irritated about the incident. [She always talks down to me, and it’s so rude.]

5. Tell new stories. [I can choose to stay calm even when others are uppity. She is who she is, and oh, well.]

If you want a little more help, refer to Monday’s post for some finer details.

I recently walked through a similar scenario with a client. She found the most relief once she stopped being upset with herself about being upset. We are the hardest on ourselves. When she found peace with her reaction, it was easy to change the story about the crazy woman she was facing.

Be gentle with yourself when someone is acting crazy. Being mad about being mad only doubles the madness!

What new stories can you tell? Share your ideas here!