A job you’re “good at” does not equate to a job you love.

If I followed all of the tests and assessments of my personality and my skill set, I’d still be sitting in a fabric-covered cubicle doing things I don’t enjoy, talking with people (I do enjoy) about things I don’t give a rat’s ass about.

A job you love is not about what you’re good at. Yes, you’ll likely be good at a job you love, but don’t start your search there.

Start by checking in with your heart. What does it long to do?

Check in with your gut. What lights you on fire?

Ask the child you used to be. What did you want to be before anyone told you it wasn’t possible or that being an engineer was a practical career choice?

Start asking these questions in the quiet, soft places of your heart. You don’t have to share the answers with anyone. But if you don’t ask them, you’ll never know the answers. And that would be a very, very sad thing.
 

My friend passed along an interesting article from the New York Times called “The True Calling That Wasn’t,” by Phyllis Korkki.

The article makes several great points about how people often find themselves in jobs that feel like a terrible match for who they truly are, resulting in unhappiness, dissatisfaction, and frustration. Korkki quotes Robert I. Sutton, a professor and organizational psychologist at Stanford, as saying, “Unhappiness with your career choice goes to the root of your identity and your sense of authenticity.” I wholeheartedly agree. Many people spend 40 to 60 hours each week working. Of course it would be miserable if that time is spent doing something that feels inauthentic.

Though most of the article, I believe, hits the mark, here is one point with which I disagree:

If you do find a better career fit, don’t expect it to be a panacea. Your new job won’t always be fun-filled and satisfying. Beyond the money it provides, “I think it’s safe to say that work is overrated,” Professor Sutton said. Much of work is spent performing tedious activities that would not be at the top of your list if you had a choice, he said.

I don’t believe that “work is overrated.” I believe that we can have a career that we love. We can find one that is matched to our gifts and our personality. I don’t believe that the path to finding that true calling is simple or easy. It’s hard work and requires some soul searching. But the gifts of that effort are well worth it. I see it with clients all the time. I saw it in my own life.

Why spend 40 or more hours a week, 50 weeks a year, for 30 years doing something you dread? Isn’t it time to find your true calling?
 

Monday I wrote about playing bigger. Today I’m sharing my thoughts about facing your fears around playing bigger.

Think about where you are today. Think about where you want to go--if you could be successful no matter what. Imagine heading in that direction. How do you feel?

It’s okay to be scared.

Fear can actually tell you that you’re right on track. Check in. Does the fear feel like jumping into a clear pool of water off a high dive, or does it feel like a high dive into sludge?

Clean pain (clear pool of water) says move forward. Dirty pain (sludge) says clean up your thinking, then reevaluate.

Use The Work to clean up your dirty pain, the thoughts that say, “I’m not good enough to do that.”

If you hear, “Who am I to do this?” answer your own question. Who are you? You’re a strong, beautiful, smart healer or teacher who is here to change the world.

Take small steps.

Just because your five-year vision is clear doesn’t mean you will reach that goal immediately. What can you do today to move toward that vision? Take baby steps.

Start with the easiest things first.

It can be energizing to get moving toward your vision. If fear is holding you back, start with something easy. It might get you excited to keep going. If nothing else, you’re a few steps closer to your goal.

Celebrate your successes.

Every little step you take is worth celebrating. Give yourself a gold star. Call a friend. Do a little dance.

Face you fears and move forward. The world is waiting for you.
 

... well, not nothing.

Dinner has been made. The house is clean. That project was completed. Small tasks (or big ones) are checked off the list. We do get things done. But on a grand scale, nothing is ever done.

Tomorrow night, another dinner needs to be made. Next week, the house will be dirty again. There are always more projects.

The same is true with the evolution of ourselves. Eating healthy today needs to be followed by eating healthy tomorrow. Exercising once will not keep a body fit for a lifetime. We don’t make money one day to support us forever (unless you’re a lucky lottery winner, fortunate enough to hold on to your winnings). In the same way, we are never done.

As we grow and change, so do our goals, our dreams, our deepest desires. If we’re in a job we don’t like, we can fall into the trap of saying, “Once I figure out what I want to do with my life, then I can be happy.” Yes, a new job may make you happier. However, once you have that new job, you’ll set your sights on something new. That’s the nature of being human. Continual growth and infinite possibility.

Enjoy where you are right now. Continue to grow and reach for the next thing, yet don’t allow that next thing to keep you form appreciating where you are today.

Take a minute now to notice what you have today that was merely a dream yesterday or last year. Take in the glory of your growth and achievement. You’ve got plenty more coming to you.
 

Is there something you’ve been dreaming about doing but you haven’t acted on yet?
 
Starting a business.
Quitting your job.
Creating a new offering for your clients.
Trying a new hobby or sport.
Pick anything.

Why do you want to do that thing you dream about?
What’s currently stopping you from doing it?

Desires fall into two basic categories:
Those that arise from an external impetus.
Those that arise from our deepest, truest selves.

If your “why you want to do that thing” is something like, “It sounds like a good idea,” or “I should,” or “That’s what my neighbor/friend/competitor is doing,” then your desire is driven from an external impetus.

If your “why” is “I get excited when I think about it,” or “It would be really fun,” then your desire is driven from your deepest, truest self.

If your desire is arising from an external impetus, reconsider that dream. Fulfilling dreams of others is a waste of your time and energy. Focus on what YOU want. Are you afraid to let someone down if you give up that dream? Or can you walk away from it and do something you love?

If your desire is arising from your deepest, truest self, what’s stopping you from moving forward? Are you worried about what other people will think? Are you afraid of failing?

Fear is often at the heart of our stalled intentions.

It's okay.

Feelings like fear are good indicators that you’re headed in the right direction. As Brooke Castillo suggests, feel the fear then use it.

Are you afraid to quit that job you dread and find a career you love? Instead of freezing with fear, use the energy of that fear to propel you into action.

Are you worried that if you try roller derby that you’ll fall flat on your face? Instead of fleeing the track, use it to motivate you to practice.

Are you afraid to give that speech, telling the world what you really think? Use the fear to make you stronger. (And check out Anna Kunnecke, coach and speaker--she had an awesome class last week on combatting stage fright.)

What are you afraid of and how can you use your fear to move you forward?

photo courtesy of chewie2008~ via flickr
 

Earlier this month I mentioned that I choose two focus areas for the month: breathing and money. In the whirlwind of life and the never-ending desires to try new things, setting theses two areas of focus has brought me peace and clarity.

In my five-week class, Taming Your Lizard’s Money Fears, I’m following along with the participants and completing the homework assignments. There’s been a variety of tools and techniques for homework, ranging from using The Work on limiting beliefs to harnessing the power our the right brain.

We often look at something like money, or health, or our weight, or our career, or our love life and say, “Once I get enough of this or meet that goal, then everything will be okay.” What often fail to do is pull back the layers from these desires and see what’s underneath.

Why do we want a certain amount of money or to weigh a particular number or to have a set number of clients or have the perfect job? What do we think that will give us?

When we explore the reasons for these desires, we find clarity about our true desires. Security, acceptance, the knowledge that everything will be okay, a feeling of being loved. It can be anything. We believe that a certain amount of money in the bank will give us security or a number on the scale will make us feel accepted. Since the money and the weight are easy to identify, we reach for those things.

Think about what you want. It can be anything. Now think about why you want it. Pull back the layers from your desire. What is it you are deeply longing for?

Now, imagine that desire is met. Ignore the bank account. Ignore the scale. Ignore the career you abhore. You have safety. Connection. Love. Acceptance. Or whatever it is you are seeking. How do you show up in the world? Describe your day, the interactions you have with others, the feelings in your heart.

Create your future from this place. Drop the desire for a bank account with a particular balance. Step into the feeling of having your true needs met. This is how you can really get what it is you truly want.
 

On the way to making big things happen in life, know that you can get there, even if the road looks long and treacherous.

Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Babies aren’t made overnight (well, they are, but not made into a full baby, if you know what I mean).
Businesses don’t take off without the right up front work.

But Rome was built. And babies do grow to full term. And business do grow and thrive.

As you think about what you want to build, create, or grow in your own life, give yourself time. Everything begins as an idea. Plans are made,. Then steps are taken, one at a time.

Once you decide you don’t like your job and want to leave, a new one is unlikely to pop up the next day.

It takes time to think about what’s next.

It takes time for you to hear your true self speak to you and say what he or she wants.

It takes time to then act on those desires.

Give it time. Give it some space. All things can come to you if you truly want them and give them time.

What do you want that’s worth waiting for?
 

There is a fine line between persistence and refusing to accept reality. --Tim Leatherman, founder of Leatherman Tools, in reference to his 8 year endeavor to sell his first tool

When I heard Tim Leatherman say these worlds last week to a room full of engineering professionals and students, I grabbed my pen and paper. I don’t think that statement was calculated or prepared; it just flew from his lips when asked a question about frustration and wanting to give up when he hadn’t sold a tool after many years of trying.

I thought about my life. Would I keep working on the same thing for 8 years without a single “bite?” Do I have enough passion and drive and belief in what I do to keep at it that long?

Sometimes we give up because the road to where we’re going gets rough. Other times, we refuse to accept reality even when conditions look bleak.

How do we know if it’s time to quit?

I can’t say I have a clear answer, but one thought comes to mind: if deep in your heart you hear a YES, keep going. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says, if it feels right to you deep down, it’s right.

What do you think?

Photo courtesy of Rebecca via Flickr
 

You have really great days and you have tough days. I think that if you’re participating in a sport for the right reasons..., when you have those tough days and those trying moments, your love for what you do is going to get you through it.

I was watching some Olympic recaps and heard gold medalists Evan Lysacek say that to Oprah when she asked him “What would you say to the young skaters out there?”

I choose to believe that each one of us can have as much love for what we do in our lives as this man has for his sport. I don’t believe that this love is reserved for Olympic and professional athletes, actors, singers, and Oprah. I think we can all feel this love.

If you’re in a job you don’t love, why are you there? I’m sure you have plenty of logical reasons. How does your heart feel when you spend your days doing something that doesn’t fill you up?

Just for a moment, consider that it is possible to feel the same way Evan does about his “job.” What could you do to make that your reality? Are you willing to take even a tiny step in that direction?

Photo courtesy of dev null via Flickr

Dreams were not something I planned to mention in my blog. It just came up, so I went with it. Today I will share my dream history.

The first dream I remember having is a Tom and Jerry dream. I'm sure you remember that cartoon. I loved it when I was young. In the dream I was Jerry, and I was being chased into the hole in the baseboard by Tom. I was scared. That’s all I remember.

Fast forward about twenty-some years to September 11th. Vivid images on the television, in the newspapers, all over the internet. Stories about the invasion of Afghanistan. Then Iraq. Bombs. Death. Fighting.

Shortly after our country was in full-blown war in the Middle East, my dreams became a dangerous place for me to be. I was in the middle of war zones, I was being attacked, I was having to fight back. I do not believe I was ever killed, but man, I was scared.

Night after night, endless nocturnal terror. When I would awake, I would be mentally exhausted. I stopped watching, listening to, or reading any news.

My violent dreams continued. Three or four years later, someone suggested to me that violent dreams can mean that part of the dreamer is dying, metaphorically speaking. The killing in the dream was representing the death of a part of myself.

Despite this information, the violence did not stop. It took another four years for my violent dreams to shift. Two things made it happen.

1. I learned how to interpret them.
2. I listened to their messages and started making changes in my life.

The suggestion was correct that the violence in my dreams indicated that a part of me dying. The true me, the person I am deep down inside, was dying. The true me was getting lost while I was trying to please others. She was dying because I was giving myself to a job and a company that did not serve my highest interests. She had no sense of who she was because I learned to conform to a mold of social and societal pressures. Now that I think about it, those things could kill anyone.

As I took the time to interpret my dreams, the violence in the night began to lessen. Some nights were still terrifying, but not every night. I was listening to and understanding their messages.

Fast forward to the spring of 2009. Within my final weeks at the office, the violence disappeared completely from my dreams. I heard the message that was being shouted at me for eight years. I left my job. I stopped killing my soul.

Now my dreams have taken a new turn. My mind is busy every night, creating new adventures rich with meaning. I take the time to learn their lessons.

Are you ready to find the wisdom in your dreams?