I learned a great new trick a few weeks ago: If I want to relax, I just ask my body to do it for me.

Try this: Ask your breath to deepen for you. Don’t you do it--ask your breath to do it for you.

Stop reading for a minute and notice what happens.

Seriously, try it. Ask your breath to deepen for you.

What happens is almost magical, isn’t it?

I’m now starting to practice it on my tight muscles and with falling asleep, with some success. When I get into bed and feel situated, I ask my mind to turn off and my body to sleep. Most nights it works quickly.

If you encounter a stressful moment in your day, pause and ask your breath to deepen for you--you don’t have to do anything else. Your body is infinitely wise and knows exactly what to do. You and your mind are the only thing stopping it. Pause and let your breath deepen and your body relax.

Isn’t that fantastic?
 

With all of my talk about change, I want to also remind you that even when it feels like life is a whirlwind of change, there are always some things that remain constant.

If you’ve embarked on a new career, notice that your relationships with friends remain the same. If you’ve had a shake-up in your home life, notice that your exercise routine can stay the same. Notice whatever is constant for you.

What do you enjoy or appreciate about this aspect of your life? How does it bring you comfort? Whatever it is, keep it. Notice it. Connect with it. Enjoy your time with it. Appreciate it. Express gratitude for it. Relax with it. Let its essence fill you up.

Use this aspect of your life as your grounding rod. Let it hold your feet to the earth and steady you despite the whirlwinds of change that surround you.

Photo courtesy of my dad, John Williams, from his visit to Oregon in June-08

It is your soul’s duty to be loyal to its own desires. It must abandon itself to its master passion. --Dame Rebecca West

Do you believe you exist for a reason? Do you have a purpose or a mission?

I’ve come to believe that we all have a purpose for being on this planet. I don’t believe that purpose has to be something big and grand and complicated. For some people, it may be like that, but for another, her purpose could be “being a mother to these children.”

Back when I realized my life was headed in a direction that was not aligned with my true self, I began pondering this question of purpose. I’ve read various books on the philosophy of purpose. Each has given me a piece of the puzzle, but I know that the real answer will come from within me.

Last week I took a huge leap towards recognizing my purpose. I’ve pieced this together:

I am here to enable the right-brained, creative, spiritual, mission-driven healers and teachers of this world to get their work and healing out to whom they are here to serve.

There’s more to my purpose and mission than that, but the cards are still hidden. I have more to learn and uncover.

I’m curious. Do you believe you are here for a reason (even if you don’t know what it is)? Do you have a purpose or a mission? Please share.

Here is a great idea that was passed along to me by my friend Ellen Hartson. I joined the ranks of thousands who decided to give 29 gifts in 29 days. Join us at www.29gifts.org!

I am working on my first downloadable coaching product, and I’m learning so many great lessons along the way. Last week I learned that it’s better for everyone when I put my well-being ahead of everything else. Maybe you think this sounds selfish, but I learned that everyone benefits when we take care of ourselves first.

The product I’m working on is a collaborative project with my coaching friend Alison Horner. We’re creating a companion guide to Martha Beck’s Finding Your Own North Star: Claiming the Life You Were Meant to Live. It’s an audio and workbook set which covers each chapter in the book. Ali and I have been putting a good effort into it and having fun along the way. We both found this book useful for setting our lives on our “right” path and are excited to share it with our clients.

We were making audio recordings one morning recently, and after forty-five minutes, I was toast. I felt flustered and was ready to take a break. We had planned to work for another hour that day, but I didn’t have it in me. I was honest with Ali and said that I needed a break. I knew that we scheduled more time to work that day, but I feared that the quality would suffer if I kept at it. So we quit, and I worked on easier tasks that afternoon.

The next week, after Ali and I put more time into a recording, she said she needed a break. So we quit, and we both worked on other things for the rest of the day. No hard feelings either time.

By being honest about how we were feeling, we honored ourselves, each other, and our product. If we had pushed through despite our feelings, we would have felt drained and the quality of our product would have suffered. No one would have benefited from this.

Often I find it easy to just push through one more thing, ignoring how I feel and focusing on achieving a sense of completion. In the end, everyone suffers with that method. I suffer for pushing myself hard, and others suffer by dealing with an outcome that is less than perfect and was created with some negative energy.

Do you have a tendency to push yourself too hard? Can you call it quits a little sooner, and put yourself first?

I recently left my full-time corporate job to follow my heart and join the ranks of the self-employed, turning my coaching practice into a full-time venture. During my final weeks in the office, I remembered how important it is to truly connect with other people.

As word got around that I was leaving the company, many coworkers asked about my future plans. What was I going to do? Was I leaving town?

We discussed things like pursuing our dreams, being in jobs where we can make a difference in the world, families, and finding purpose and meaning in life.

As my final weeks went by, people came by my desk or stopped me in the hallway to tell me that they appreciated me, that they enjoyed working with me, and how I positively impacted them when we were working together. I’ve never been good at accepting compliments, but I decided it was time to learn to say “thank you” to their kind words. My coworkers taught me that I made a difference in their lives, and I wanted to acknowledge what they were saying.

On my final day, two people shared some memorable sentiments with me.

One man said, “I’ve always appreciated that when you walk by people in the hallway you smile and say ‘hello.’” I thought to myself, "Of course I try to smile and say hello. Doesn’t everyone?" I guess not.

The second person, someone with whom I worked closely nine years ago, said this: “You know what I’ve always liked about you, Jenny? You ask about things that matter. You would say to me, ‘How’s your family?’ You wanted to know about the important things.” The man who told me that is just about the nicest person I know on this planet. I do not know one person who has ever said a negative thing about him. He is a truly amazing individual. To hear those words from him was very meaningful to me.

The typical employee departure from this company has been marked with a mass email saying "good-bye" to everyone the employee knew during their tenure. For me, sending a mass email felt forced and inauthentic. I wanted to let people know that I valued working with them and that I enjoyed my time with them over the previous 10 years. I decided to hand-write personalized notes to the 60 people who most positively impacted me over my previous ten years. I told them how they affected me. Here are some of the things I told them:

“I appreciated your patience with me when I was new to my job.”

“You always have such a positive attitude, and you are so great to work with.”

“I am so grateful for all of the support you gave me when I first moved into management. It was as if you had endless time to listen to my woes and offer me advice.”

“I had fun working with you when that project was just starting. I learned so much from you.”

“I am glad that I got to know you over the last several months. Thank you for telling me about your family.” 

Why did I wait until I was leaving to thank these people for the great times we had working together? I could have done more of this over the past 10 years. I did not necessarily need to give them hand written notes every day, but kind words about why I was grateful to know them could have been shared more regularly.

We all have it in us to live a life where we connect to others. This is something that everyone can do with just a simple conversation about what is important to us in life.

Can you bring more meaningful and authentic connections with others into your everyday life?

Here are a few ideas on creating and enhancing connections. I thank my coworkers for teaching me this.

1. Smile. Over the years, many people have told me that I smile a lot. Honestly, I didn’t think I smiled much! Apparently I smile enough that it was noticed at work. Try it out some time, either at work or at the grocery store. Who cares if the person you’re smiling at doesn’t smile back?!

2. Tell others that you appreciate them and why. It felt great to have my coworkers say such wonderful things about how I affected them. I returned the sentiments. It was such a feel-good exchange that I plan to do it more!

3. Listen when others talk about what is important in their lives. I know I can be so quick to think about the next thing that I forget to stop and really listen to other people. When I pay attention and listen, I feel connected to the other person, and the connection feels authentic and meaningful.

4. Share with others what is important to you in your life. Talk about your family, your pets, your hobbies, and how you spent the weekend. I always feel most connected to people who tell me about their lives. Connecting with others is what makes life worthwhile, and it’s a two-way street. Share yourself with others--they want to know about you. Ask about them in return.

5. Repeat daily. If I had just smiled one day, or asked one person about their family, I bet I wouldn’t be writing this post. Something prompted me to do these things regularly, and by showing up at work interested in other people, my coworkers took notice.

My challenge is to now take my own advice into the rest of my life. I love to smile at people I know and ask them questions about what matters to them in their lives. Now that I no longer work in a building with 80 other people, it is time for me to start bringing my curiosity about other people with me into the rest of the world, such as the grocery store, the library, and the local coffee shop.

How can you create more meaningful and authentic connections with others in your life?