Do you long for the days when you were passionate about your job, when you were excited about your company and the work you did there?

When we feel disconnected from our work, it is often because our values have shifted or the work has shifted and our values haven’t.

I see this happen to many clients. They remember times when they felt connected to their company and their work. They remember feeling excited about what they were doing. But now, it just feels like work.

Does this sound familiar? Do you want it to change?

Step back for a moment. When the times were good, what did you value about work? What did work value about you?

What about now? What do you value about work? What does work value about you?

What changed: you or work or both?

What do you want to do about it?

You can try to align yourself with work. (Likely you can’t align work with you if you work for someone else.)

You can change the reason why you show up at work.

You can find new avenues for fulfillment.

You can make a career change.

You have options. You are not stuck. You can find a connection with your work again. It won’t be the same as it used to be, but you can feel that passion again if you're willing to make a few changes. Are you ready?
 

In your life, are you working to survive the moment, or are you pushing toward something better?

“I just have to survive these layoffs...”
“If I can only make it through this rough patch...”

When times are challenging, we tend to focus on “making it through,” or surviving the tough times, instead of striving for something more.

Imagine for a moment that times are tough. (Maybe for you right now, this isn’t difficult to imagine.) You need to work hard to make it through the day or through the week. How does this feel?

Now, imagine that you have a vision for your future. You’re clear about what you want. You’re headed in that direction and your dream is slowly unfolding. It could be hard work, but it’s what you want to be doing. How does this feel?

Look at your life today. Are you surviving the moment, or are you striving toward something better?

Which do you want to be doing?

Even when times look tough, setting your sights on something bigger and going for it feels good, inspires others, and directs you toward your dreams.

What are you striving for?

photo courtesy of Pat :-) via Flickr
 

Would you like to feel a little less stress during stressful activities? Do you want to take away a bit of the tension?

Last weekend, I cleaned the house. It’s not my favorite thing to do. Merely thinking about it causes my body to grow tense, and it worsens once I start cleaning. I love a clean house, but I don’t love cleaning it.

This time, I decided to take away the tension. I chose to clean the house without the usual frustration.

A dirty toilet is still a dirty toilet, but cleaning it isn’t so bad when I don’t carry mental and physical stress.

What do you find stressful?

A meeting with your boss.
Carpooling a van full of kids to and from basketball practice.
Cleaning up after teenagers.

Whatever it is, when you do that thing you don’t like, decide to leave the tension behind.

You have a choice.

Relax your muscles. Take slow, deep breaths. Move slowly.

If you’re going to do the thing you don’t like to do, you might as well do it without adding extra pain.

Where can you remove a little tension in your life and add in a deep breath and some relaxation?
 

Your new identity has been revealed through the hole left from your old identity’s dissolution. You’ve followed the breadcrumbs and spotted your new destination.

You can clearly articulate who you are and what you are to do next.

How are you going to reach your goal?

Map out the steps--every single one. Fill in the blanks. When you’re not sure how to accomplish something or how to get from one step to another, ask for help. Learn new things. Interview experts.

When the picture is clear, it’s time for the real work. It’s time to roll up your sleeves and make things happen. (This is my favorite part!)

Take the first step. Then the next one. The steps can be small (actually, that’s recommended)--no need to leap or try to tackle everything at once.

Learn what you need to along the way.

Fumble and be willing to fail.

Go back and redraw the map where you got it wrong. No one says it will be or has to work perfectly on the first try.

Enjoy watching your dream unfold. You are making it happen.

Photo courtesy of Jasmic via Flickr

Tonight I’m running a workshop entitled Taking Charge of Change. My main message is simple:

No matter what change is initiated in your life, you can be in charge.

Sometimes we choose change and sometimes change is chosen for us. Change can come on suddenly or gradually.

Martha Beck says that changes initiate in three ways: opportunities, shocks, and transitions.

Opportunities are changes we choose and are usually perceived as positive, such as a promotion or buying a new home.

Shocks are surprises. Winning the lottery would be perceived as a positive one, and suddenly losing a loved one would be perceived as negative.

Transitions are gradual, internal shifts that stem from an inner yearning.

The way in which change is initiated often dictates our response. We tend to feel victimized by changes we don’t choose and empowered by changes we do choose.

However, we can own our response to any change. We can take what life gives us and decide what to do with it. As the old adage goes, “If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” Yes, this is more easier said than done, but it’s possible.

Check back on Monday for more discussion on change and tips and tricks to feel empowered (rather than victimized).

Photo courtesy of Bogdan Suditu on Flickr under a creative commons license.
 

For Monday’s post, I wrote about breaking personal patterns, things like overeating or staying too busy. Some interpersonal dynamics can also be undesirable patterns, and they can be tricky to change. Here’s one way to look at it.

Imagine this:

You and your partner are dancing the waltz. The music is the same as always--the distinctive one-two-three rhythm your body knows so well. You know each other’s steps, movements, and subtleties. You know when you’re going to dip or twirl before it even happens.

But you’re sick and tired of the waltz. You dance it because that’s what you’ve always done. It’s what your parents did, so you do the same. And you’re done with it.

You want to salsa!

Decide to make a change.

You decide to change up your step just a bit. You don’t tell your partner, as you’re feeling a little self-conscious about making a change. “What will they think?” you wonder.

Instead of the one-two-three waltz, you’re now doing the quick-quick-slow step of the salsa. Your partners is still waltzing. One-two-three, step-step-fall. You step on toes, bump heads, and fall down.

Awkward!

Maybe it would have been easier to tell them before you changed your steps.


Realize that changes can affect other people.

Your partner could have a few responses to your unexpected new moves. They could be baffled and have a deer-in-the-headlights look. It’s also possible that they’re excited to try something with you: “Looks like you’re trying something new. Show me, too!”

More likely: “What are you doing?! You’re stepping all over my toes, and I think I hurt my wrist when I fell. Watch out, will you?! Stick to the music.”

You are in charge of your decisions.

Whatever their response, you broke the pattern. Decide how you want to proceed.

If your partner is excited, explain yourself and maybe you’ll both start salsa dancing.

If they’re baffled or resistant, decide if the new dance is still important to you. If it is, keep dancing. Consider explaining your change.

The fat lady has not sung yet.

If you dance the salsa and your partner keeps waltzing, it does not mean that you’ll never dance together again. When you decided to make a change, you had mental preparation. You thought about the salsa and imagined yourself doing it before you changed your step.

Give your partner some room. Let them think it over. They may or may not start dancing with you. It’s okay either way. You can dance alone or find a new partner if they stick to the waltz. (This is an analogy. I am not implying that you should leave your partner if they don’t take to salsa dancing.)

Don’t immediately write it off as an impossible situation. Change can take time, and that’s okay.

It’s about taking care of ourselves.

I am an advocate for taking care of ourselves first. Changing patterns and rituals that do not serve us is about taking care of ourselves. When we do that, we teach others to do the same for themselves (whether or not they realize it).

Where this all came from.

Last week I had several conversations about unwanted patterns, and through them all, I realized that when we take steps towards doing something new, it’s going to feel like we’re doing something new... (duh, right?) This is especially true when we change our patterns involving other people.

For one client of mine, I helped her see that it’s okay that she feels uncomfortable when she chooses not to engage with her husband in a twenty-year-old destructive ritual. It’s a pattern she decided to change because she’s ready to take better care of herself. She decided to dance to a new beat for her own sake, and it very well could turn out to be a positive thing for both of them.

Have you successfully initiated changes in interpersonal dynamics? Share your stories!

This is the third of three posts where I share a method for deciding what to do and not to do when your to-do list is too long.

I saved the best for last. This is my personal favorite!

Trust Your Body

This method is perfect for anyone who wants to feel good when getting through to-do tasks. Every time I teach a client this method, they are pleased when they put it to use in their life. Try it for yourself!

1. Establish your baseline. Give yourself a few minutes to complete this step--it’s absolutely necessary and totally worth the time.

a. Sit comfortably and relax your body. Close your eyes. Pull up the worst memory you have from your life. Imagine you are in that moment--experience it as if you are there.

b. Feel the sensations in your body as you experience that memory. Describe them with words. It could be that your chest feels tight, your stomach is in a knot, and your throat feels closed up. Be as detailed as possible.

c. Give this overall feeling a name and give it a number, on a scale from -10 (as awful as you can image feeling) to +10 (the best you can imagine feeling).

d. Repeat steps a, b, and c using the best memory you have from your life. Imagine it, feel the sensations, describe the sensations with words, give it a name and give it a number from -10 to +10.

e. Now you have your body compass scale from the negative range through the positive range.

2. Rank your to-do list. For every item on your to-do list, rank it using your body compass scale. Imagine yourself doing the task, and feel the sensations in your body. Record the number associated with the task, somewhere from -10 to +10. Listen to what your body is saying, not what your mind thinks the number should be.

3. Do what feels best. Begin working on the task that received the highest rating on your scale. I recommend not doing anything that feels like a negative number--unless you want to feel awful.

4. Play with it. Play around with this idea for a week or two and notice what happens. For me, when I use this method to work through my list, I always feel good, and I seem to accomplish more than when I listen to what my mind wants me to do. Test it out and see what you find to be true for you.

When you feel like there is not enough time in the day, focus on what feels good to you. Your body, your emotions, and your family will thank you!

This is the second of three posts where I share a method for deciding what to do and not to do when your to-do list is too long.

Do What’s Easiest

This method is great when you feel like you’re “not getting anything done” and want to get some momentum going.

1. Consider time. Mark each item with the time necessary to complete it (or your best estimate).

2. Consider effort. Mark each item with Easy, Medium, or Difficult, according to the effort required to accomplish it.

3. Line ‘em up. Number your list from 1 to N, with 1 being the shortest and easiest task and N being the longest and most difficult item.

4. Get to work. Start with number one and move down the list.

When you feel like there is not enough time in the day and you aren’t getting anywhere, focus on the tasks that will give you a sense of completion and forward momentum. Sometimes we need a little kick-start like this to help us more on to more challenging tasks.

If you’re like a lot of people I know, you’ve got a to-do list that’s a mile long, your day is jam-packed, and you’ve got a million people needing something from you.

Whew! That’s exhausting to type!

This is the first of three posts where I share a method for deciding what to do and not to do when your task list is too long.
 

Quick ‘n Dirty Post-it Prioritization Method

This is a great way to quickly arrange your to-do list.

This method is excellent for people who are visual. It’s also helpful when you feel like everything and everyone is important, and it paralyzes you from getting anything done.

1. Categorize. List your major life categories, put them on post-its, and stick them in order on a door or blank wall space.

2. Itemize. Write your to-do items on post-its and then group them accordingly.

3. First-pass prioritization. Now, your to-do list is roughly in priority order. If something doesn’t sit right with you, rearrange it.

4. Refine. Figure out how much time you have to get your to-do items done, then cut the list off where you will run out of time.

When you feel like there is not enough time in the day, focus on your own priorities and do what matters most to you. Know that you’re making progress the best you can!

It can be so easy to say we can’t do something because of an incident in our past. It’s a great excuse to blame history for our future doom.

I was watching Oprah last week, and she shared a story about a young man who attempted to rob a cash advance store. The young man did not end up robbing the store. The woman in the store, Angela, was calm, patient, and, although terrified, also loving. Oprah interviewed Angela and the robber for her show. Angela said these words to the young man:

“Don’t let the past stop you from being great in the future.” --Angela Montez

See the video for yourself. (You can hear her quote at 1:10 in the video.)

Wow. My world came to a halt when I heard those words. I believed her. He can get past this incident. He will likely go to prison. He will serve time for what he did. Then he will be released. He can then move on. He has a little girl at home who needs him.

I reflected on Angela’s words. If I believed that this man could create a better future for himself, why can it be so hard for each of us to believe that we can do that in our own lives?
 
Are you stuck thinking your past will define your future? Are you ready to move past it?

Try these steps to un-stick yourself and move forward.

1. Identify your “stuck” thinking.
It may sound something like this:
I can’t ______________ because _____________. OR
I’ll never ______________ because _____________.

2. Change your language to clarify this is a choice.
The reality is that your “can’t” and “never” is not true. Rewrite your statement.
I choose not to ______________ because I believe that _____________ is a problem.

3. Find evidence that your stuck thinking may not be true.
Maybe you know someone else who made it work or achieved that goal. Maybe you did something similar in the past. Find three pieces of evidence.

4. Ask yourself, “If I didn’t believe [my stuck thinking thought], what would be the first thing I would do?”
Find three steps you would take.

So now, what are you going to do?