When is the last time you played hooky? For me, it was yesterday.

Hooky is a great way to shift your attitude and feel good. Taking a day to play helps you feel happier and more relaxed. It decreases your stress levels, keeps your immune system in check, and helps you approach life in a more even-keeled manner.

Whether you work for The Man, work for yourself, or take care of your family each day, you can always find a day here and there to play hooky.

Here are four clues that it’s time for you to play hooky.

1. Your schedule unexpectedly opens up for part or all of one day.
2. Your boss is on vacation or out sick for a few days.
3. The house is clean (enough), and the neighbors said they’d love to have Johnny over for a few hours to play in the leaves.
4. You can’t remember the last time you took a “you” day.

Is it time for you to play hooky? Pick a day. Put it in the calendar. No buts about it.

Now, you’ve got the day picked out. What are you going to do with it?

Here’s the best part: You get to decide. Do anything you want, as long as it makes you happy. Stop thinking of everyone else just for one day, or even a few hours. Savor the selfishness--it’s good for you now and then.

Here’s what I did yesterday: I slept in. I read a book. I took a bath. I ate a yummy lunch. I watched the Michael Jackson movie. I went to the farmers’ market. I enjoyed a late afternoon cup of delicious coffee. I went mountain biking. I took a long, hot shower. I cooked a delicious dinner with my market produce. I watched television. I went to bed with a smile.

Every minute of it was for me. No guilt. (Guilt over stuff like this is a waste of time, anyway.)

Your turn. Start planning your “you” day off. You deserve it. Drop the guilt and go have fun.

What are you going to do for you?

The cliche that “change is inevitable” can make us groan. Yeah, we know, but we still don’t like change when it happens to us, when it’s beyond our control.

What’s a change that you are experiencing that is beyond your control? Layoffs at work? Your husband is going through a mid-life crisis? Your kids are turning into difficult teenagers?

Whatever change is beyond your control, you can find treasures to embrace.

Ask yourself, “What am I getting that I would likely not get otherwise?”

Layoffs at work.... A kick in the pants to start thinking about what you really want to do with your life.

Husband’s mid-life crisis... Extra time to hang with girlfriends at the spa. Heck, if he’s buying a motorcycle, you can at least get a pedicure!

Kids turning into difficult teenagers... With age comes responsibility, and it’s time they start doing some of the household chores.

Every year since I moved to Oregon, I have dreaded fall because it brings winter, which means a lot of clouds and rain for many months. It’s dark and wet and it feels heavy and sad.

This year, I am content with the arrival of fall. The first rain cleared the air, and it smelled fresh and clean outside. The farmers’ market is filled with tart apples, deep orange squash, and dark purple kale. I am embracing the treasures of the beautiful leaves, apple crisp, and roasted squash soup during a time I usually focus on resisting like hell... and always lose.

Remember, some changes are beyond your control. Fighting reality is a losing battle. Instead, opt to find what treasures await you.

What treasures are you finding in the changes in your life?

This is a follow-up post to a question from my post last week on my experience with the horses.

Here are two of the things I learned from working with the horses:
- Clear intention makes the “doing” part so much easier.
- As soon as we attach to an outcome, we make it more difficult to get what we want.

Blue Bicicletta posted this as a part of her reply:

Another point or perhaps question that comes up for me is the tug between having a clear intention of what you want to do (and how that makes things easier), but not being attached to a specific result. It is complicated to navigate this fine line---being open to where something takes you, but also having a clear enough idea to be able to efficiently apply your time.

The short answer is: It's all about feeling good in the moment. Set your sights on the outcome, imagine how it will feel, and do what feels best along the way. Enjoy whatever the outcome happens to be, and know it was good getting there.

Here's the longer answer.

Let's briefly discuss clarity of intention. Clarity of intention is knowing what you want and having a vision. There are two components to this: (1) knowing the desired outcome, as a tangible result, and (2) knowing the desire feeling state you will have when you reach this outcome. Likely, the feeling state would be something like happiness, peace, or excitement.

Next, let’s define attachment to outcomes. Attachment to an outcome has a graspy energy. Think about a stereotypical used car salesman. He wants to make the sale so badly that it sends you running from the parking lot. I don’t need to even go into a deeper description--you can already feel the negative energy from this imaginary guy.

Say you decide to shop with Lisa, a no-pressure saleswoman (I know her, if you need a used car and you live in Oregon). She lets you browse the lot on your own time, makes herself available to answer questions, and lets you know she is there to help you get what you want, without any pressure. You just might buy from her.

Since she’s not attached to making a sale (not graspy), she is focused on your needs, reading your body language, and sensing from you what you would like from the interaction. In the end, she may be more likely to get the sale because she had a relaxed and positive energy. She feels good now, which is also how she would feel if she made the sale. Imagine for a moment how it would feel to interact with her. Now imagine what it would feel like to be her, confident and attentive, looking out for you without grasping to make the sale.

Now, it’s quite possible that Lisa doesn’t make the sale with you. Every clear intention isn’t always met with its desired outcome. However, during the interaction, you and Lisa created a relationship. There was trust. You might buy from her again in the future, and you may refer a friend. Regardless, you had a good time shopping and she felt good, too.

It’s all about feeling good during the process of moving toward our desired outcome. Feel how we would feel if and when we got what we wanted. This way, we feel great both with and without the result. Non-attachment to the outcome could also open things up for something better than we even imagined.

I have room for improvement on this idea, for sure. It’s so easy for me to grow attached to an outcome... but can life really guarantee us much?

I have more examples and ideas for this topic, so post your thoughts and questions. I’d love to know what you’re thinking!

I love how this video shows two sides to the same story.

Last weekend I had the pleasure of learning to horse whisper with Master Coach and Horse Whisperer Koelle Simpson. Koelle led a workshop entitled Primal Leadership, and we learned that leadership is a lot like horse whispering. She and the horses taught us a lot about how we “show up” in the world, how we can focus our own energy, and how we can lead our own lives and lead others. I am still digesting the experience.

I wrote a laundry list of things I learned over those three days, and I’m trying to decide what, if anything, to write about the experience. Here are a few of the things I learned. If any of them interest you, please add a comment, and I will write a future post about that topic. I want to write what feels relevant or interesting to you.

It takes far less energy to accomplish something than we often realize.

Clear intention makes the “doing” part so much easier.

Trying doesn’t work very well, but playing does.

We don’t always need to know the “end game.” All we can do is move forward with what feels best now.

Start moving forward on something with as little energy as possible, and slowly ramp up if the situation seems to need more.

As soon as we attach to an outcome, we make it more difficult to get what we want.

What sounds relevant and interesting to you?

Dreams were not something I planned to mention in my blog. It just came up, so I went with it. Today I will share my dream history.

The first dream I remember having is a Tom and Jerry dream. I'm sure you remember that cartoon. I loved it when I was young. In the dream I was Jerry, and I was being chased into the hole in the baseboard by Tom. I was scared. That’s all I remember.

Fast forward about twenty-some years to September 11th. Vivid images on the television, in the newspapers, all over the internet. Stories about the invasion of Afghanistan. Then Iraq. Bombs. Death. Fighting.

Shortly after our country was in full-blown war in the Middle East, my dreams became a dangerous place for me to be. I was in the middle of war zones, I was being attacked, I was having to fight back. I do not believe I was ever killed, but man, I was scared.

Night after night, endless nocturnal terror. When I would awake, I would be mentally exhausted. I stopped watching, listening to, or reading any news.

My violent dreams continued. Three or four years later, someone suggested to me that violent dreams can mean that part of the dreamer is dying, metaphorically speaking. The killing in the dream was representing the death of a part of myself.

Despite this information, the violence did not stop. It took another four years for my violent dreams to shift. Two things made it happen.

1. I learned how to interpret them.
2. I listened to their messages and started making changes in my life.

The suggestion was correct that the violence in my dreams indicated that a part of me dying. The true me, the person I am deep down inside, was dying. The true me was getting lost while I was trying to please others. She was dying because I was giving myself to a job and a company that did not serve my highest interests. She had no sense of who she was because I learned to conform to a mold of social and societal pressures. Now that I think about it, those things could kill anyone.

As I took the time to interpret my dreams, the violence in the night began to lessen. Some nights were still terrifying, but not every night. I was listening to and understanding their messages.

Fast forward to the spring of 2009. Within my final weeks at the office, the violence disappeared completely from my dreams. I heard the message that was being shouted at me for eight years. I left my job. I stopped killing my soul.

Now my dreams have taken a new turn. My mind is busy every night, creating new adventures rich with meaning. I take the time to learn their lessons.

Are you ready to find the wisdom in your dreams?

We can all remember a memorable dream or two in our lives. Do you have recurring dreams, do you take a new adventure every night, or do you rarely remember what happened during your sleeping hours?

I dream a lot. Many dreams every night. Vivid, rich, and potent.

Did you know that dreams can offer fresh insight about our inner world and what next steps to take on our journey? To unearth those insights, I use a dream interpretation process originally defined by Carl Jung and later modified by Martha Beck.

When I quit my job four months ago, my dream time became hyperactive, as it usually does for me during times of change. I hadn’t been taking the time to interpret them regularly. Since they weren’t stopping, I knew I needed to listen to what they were trying to tell me. This past Saturday I finally dove into the depths of my dreams to uncover their messages. I had been reluctant because the process is time-consuming and occasionally challenging, especially because I have so many detailed dreams each night.

When I awoke on Saturday, I lay very still in bed, pulling the dream memories from my slumbering mind into my conscious mind. I pictured all of the scenes and heard all of the conversations from the night. Once I gathered as much as I could remember, I rolled toward my notebook on the bedside table and started writing. My dreams were captured and ready to be tamed.

I got out of bed, shuffled to the kitchen, brewed a fresh cup of coffee, grabbed my notebook and pen, and settled in my favorite chair.

Slowly and methodically, I deciphered the meaning of the green car, the yoga pose, the baby boy who ate beans and rice, the huge shower stall, Paul’s swim trunks, and many other symbols that appeared during my midnight adventures. I uncovered some relevant messages from my sleeping self:
- Stable and balanced energy is what will grow my business.
- I am supported.
- Working too hard will hinder my progress.

To you, those may sound like nonsense. To me, they are clear messages from my wise inner self who knows exactly what I need to do.

Where clear messages failed to come through, I was left with questions to ponder:
- Where in my life am I being shy and hidden, afraid to be exposed?
- Where am I not accepting what is given to me, exactly what I need, for fear of being embarrassed?

I will take those questions to my journal when the time feels right, and I will allow free writing to guide me to the answers.

I find dream interpretation rich and rewarding. It provides me with wisdom from my nocturnal chaos.

I use dream interpretation with clients, when they are interested and willing. They, too, if their minds are open to it, find the process rewarding and exciting. We have so much inner wisdom available to us if we take the time to listen.

Are you ready to find the wisdom in your dreams?

P.S. Only you can interpret your dreams. To me, a snake could represent my neighbor, but to you, a snake could mean ... well, something a little more Freudian.

It’s so easy to get caught up in daily life that we often go through it without thinking. I find this rather funny. So much of life can just run on auto-pilot. When our lives are running on auto-pilot, where’s our mind?

When I began to pay attention to what was going through my mind, I was fascinated... and a little freaked out. I noticed that when I felt anxious, I was thinking some terrible, nasty thoughts. I was thinking thoughts like, “they must think I’m crazy,” and “there’s no way I’m going to be able to do that.” I found it scary that I had been thinking these thoughts without even realizing it.

Although first encountering our thoughts can be scary, it’s a freeing practice. Once we know what we are actually thinking, we can do something about it.

Facing the truth about what is going on in your mind is an absolutely necessary step on the path to happiness.

If you are in the habit of watching your thoughts already, then I’m sure you know what the mind-watching experience is like. If you are new to thought-watching, let me suggest some tips to get started.

First, notice times when you feel anything less than happy and relaxed. Our natural state is happy and relaxed. If you feel anything less than that, it’s likely that there is a thought stopping you from feeling good.

Second, become a detective in your own mind. What thoughts are going through your mind when you’re not feeling good? See if you can find some things along these lines:

They must think I’m [something not positive].
What if they don’t like me?
I always screw up.
I can’t do that.
What if I get fired?
She’s never nice to me.

There are endless possibilities to what the thoughts are behind your feelings. Start seeing if you can find the thoughts.

Once you become aware of the thoughts in your head, you have the ability to choose whether or not to believe them. As I like to say, “they are just thoughts.” It is possible that the thoughts you are thinking, such as “I always screw up” just might not be true. Would you be willing to consider that possibility?

What have you found yourself thinking that might not be true?

... but it does.

I hear this from clients: “Grrr. I’m so mad at her. I can’t believe she did that! She does this all the time. Why do I let it get to me so much?!” Or something along those lines anyway.

Sound familiar?

I’m sure you can think of a time where (1) you were frustrated with someone about something and (2) you were also frustrated with yourself for being irritated in the first place. I know it happened to me a few times just last week!

Recall the last time you were irritated about being irritated. Could it have taken you longer to get over the situation than if you had been okay with your frustration? When we judge ourselves for our reactions, we often double the effort required to regain our balance.

Next time you find yourself mad for being mad, try these steps to get past it.

1. Acknowledge how you feel about the situation. [I’m mad at her for what she did, and I’m mad at myself for being mad about it.]

2. Allow yourself to feel how you feel. Safely and privately express your emotions. [If you’re angry, allow yourself to be angry. Get it out by writing it down, by yelling--some place where it’s safe and private--or by going for a walk or run.]

3. Ask yourself what story you are telling about why you shouldn’t be angry about what happened. [I shouldn’t be mad because she does this all of the time--I should expect it.]

4. Ask yourself what story you are telling about why you feel irritated about the incident. [She always talks down to me, and it’s so rude.]

5. Tell new stories. [I can choose to stay calm even when others are uppity. She is who she is, and oh, well.]

If you want a little more help, refer to Monday’s post for some finer details.

I recently walked through a similar scenario with a client. She found the most relief once she stopped being upset with herself about being upset. We are the hardest on ourselves. When she found peace with her reaction, it was easy to change the story about the crazy woman she was facing.

Be gentle with yourself when someone is acting crazy. Being mad about being mad only doubles the madness!

What new stories can you tell? Share your ideas here!